Tuesday, August 30, 2005

i dun reali understand myself.
i juz scolded 2 ppl cos of some small things.
cos they show concern.cos they care.
n i juz scold them for all tt.
n they apologize knowin tt they didnt do anythin wrong.
wad's up wif mi?
i m becuming so serious tt i cant take a little joke.
y m i so serious?

if u get to read my blog,juz wanna tel u tt i m sorri. reali sorri.
n pls dun say sorri to mi anymore. is nt ur fault.
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today's phy lecture. sianz.
i waste my 2 hours sittin there drawin trans cis' hands.
e main reason y i m sianz is cos of ahemmmmmm.......
yday hao se uncle tok to mi bout him.
i miss e chance last time. i regret nw.
i shld haf tel him tt time. not waitin til nw,my chance is gone.
n i doubt he'll rmb wad i said tt nite.
even if he rmb,he wont ever admit tt again.
but is ok,i stil can rmb everythin he say.
reali thanx alot for givin mi all those encouragement.
i keep every single ones in my hp com n everythin.
cos it is impt to me.
:)
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i left out somethin in my last entry.
my best fren xiaojing's bday is cumin too!!
2 days b4 mine. i wont forget.
luv ya jing!!



Saturday, August 27, 2005

it is 10 mins to e 12am.
chattin wif shenghui n cis.
sometimes it is funny,ppl whom u tot they'll understand u r actualli nt tt understandin.
but ppl who r nt reali tt close to u might noe u better.
tis is wad happen to mi now.
beside my cis n trans, i dun think many ppl will understand mi.
kinda happy when i noe tt some ppl whom r nt so close to mi feel tt i m a gd ger.
it is ironic. ppl whom i noe for 1 yr plus dunno mi well.
n instead,those noisy guys noe mi better.
is tis e real world?
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irritated by my depression fren. i nid some peace.
when i tel u tt i m nt free,pls dun disturb mi n ask mi rubbish.
dun nid to report to mi wad u r doin or goin to do.
dun nid to check on mi.
arghhh... n pls ppl... if i say i dun nid somethin,pls dun go n do it to irritate mi.
i dun show tt i dislike u,but i hope u sense it.
i dun wanna say it out,gif u some face.
dun make any assumptions.
cos assume makes an ASS our of U n ME.
actualli... u r juz weak. face it n change it.
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ok... is 12 am!!!
august n september...
many ppl's bday falls on tis 2 months.
wenqi soying chousiang xiufen joey yanyu zhencheng max......
virgo rawks...
n me!!!! heehee... cheerssss....



Thursday, August 25, 2005

erm... as u all noe...
i m gettin better.
if u r reali my fren u'll noe la. as for those ppl who act like know mi veri well,i oso gt nth to say.
chey~
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i m lookin forward to my future. reason is simple. UNIVERSITY.
university seems like a nice place for mi.
everyone is more mature.i think.
n most imptly,lookin forward to meet someone like JUNYANG.
watched superstar today n he sing my favourite song qian tian.
sounds so much better den jay chou.
junyang junyang....
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feel so touched when i receive some testimonials n sms from frens.
if i continue to b silly,think all of them will b damn disappointed wif mi.
btw,he oso block mi from msn. so i dun see y i muz b waitin again.
sometimes when i tot of it,i think it is funny.
some ppl r juz cunning. i tot it will onli happen in korean shows.
but is ok la. at least i m feelin better now. e real forgive is when u can let go of everythin n b happy. dun live ur life always blamin. it is no one's fault.
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cis rmb. u r beautiful. n we are beautiful.
is juz how u see urself.
:)
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again... i wanna say
I LOVE JUNYANG



Wednesday, August 24, 2005

----------------------------------------

another touching story.

a ger who cant forget her past.

cant get away from sadness.

after 2 years, a simple someone appear in her life.

n brighten up her life.he is juz a simple n silly someone.

but that is true love. it'll onli happen in fairy tales.

so sweet so touchin. :)

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

hmm...
saw somethin on msn.
always there to pop up somethin n remind mi.
teach mi n support mi.
no matter wad,thanx alot.
i noe tt u can sense it but u juz act like nth happen?
but is better tt u dunno.
study hard k?
jia you. n i will b there supportin u no matter wad.
cos u r always there to 'scold' mi.
if u ask again,i'll tel u tt e person is u.
xie xie ni.



Sunday, August 21, 2005

mayb kaori is rite. i shldnt haf trust her. haiz. i see thru ppl le.
once again if u see tis, open ur eyes big n see...
i get cheated by some ppl. n i noe it. juz dun wanna say it out.
cos it is useless le.
u will choose to trust her instead. suan le.
juz open ur eyes. pls...



Monday, August 15, 2005

even hear of qing tian wa wa?
my mum made tis for mi n my sis. whenever i feel moody or sad,i will always rmb there r so many ppl ard mi,giving mi support. i m such a failure. cry so many times,knowin tt i can get nth but sadness. sometimes,i m juz too stubborn. n i m tired of being stubborn.
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bought a new dress at bugis today. nice purple dress. feel so happy juz now.
but i dun dare to b happy anymore,who knows when will it disappear again?
e more u hope, e greater u fall.
e more u love,e more he take u for granted?
i dunno. i wish tt one day,e rite one will appreciate wad i do for him.
n love mi too. tt's all i wan.
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dun think tt u r mature. cos there r so many things tt u haf nv seen yet. dun feel tt all other ppl r childish, mayb e prob lies wif urself. accept others. n forgive.



Saturday, August 13, 2005

i m stil feelin sad when i type tis entry.
i noe it is disappointin. ya... i cried again n again.
feel so helpless n i noe e onli hlp i can get is from myself.
i m tryin hard... reali...
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thanx alot to ppl ard mi... my mum sis n cis n everyone. i noe i caused so much of unhappiness. my tears will onli bring u all sorrow. i miss e old mi. i noe i haf changed cos of wad happen. haiz... i m useless. eveytime i saw her in sch,i feel tt i m so 'tiny'... i feel so tired. when can tis feelin disappear? my bday is cumin... can i reali enjoy my bday? i m reali tryin hard le... all tis while,i haf been spendin my time like tis,i feel sick of it. reali sick. wad exactly haf happen to mi?



Thursday, August 11, 2005

cis i read ur blog. noe how i disappoint u again. i gt tis feelin of lost n fear again.
i always ask "wad shld i do?". i noe e ans but i juz dun wan to accept it. i m a big failure.
i tot august will b better? i tot all things r bright n beautiful?
i m wrong again. tis few days i was in deep deep sorrow. everyday i woke up,everythin seems to b rushin into my mind without mi knowin. hurtin mi like mad. wad m i doin again?
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i say i will leave. but i m stil here.
i say i will b happy,but i m stil sad.
i say i will move on,but i m still reluctant to go.
--------------------------
by leavin it here,there will b no endin...
u gt to make e choice...
--------------------------
gif mi time... i wan to choose u all...



Sunday, August 07, 2005

wahaha... went to kbox today. n all i can say...
lan zheng long is stil so handsome. :D
overall... tired n happy.
watch fireworks again. stil so beautiful.
everythin is stil e same.
"all things bright and beautiful" everyone rmb tis!
nth will b worse.
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~Matt's play on fri day. was reali meaningful. so sad to see e 3 of them lyin to themselves. they r nt happy at all. wad's wrong wif admittin their weakness n face it? life will b sick if we try to hide everythin.
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anyone feel tt life is sianz? is cos u stil cant find any motivations.
i gt mine.at least.
dun leave. n dun change. cos u r urself,n i m me.
i like e way u r :)
thanx for being there.



Friday, August 05, 2005

wad happen tis week shocked mi. my class ppl, n some monkeys.
sch sux recently. cos of some monkeys. a whole bunch of monkeys n beast. ya. beast is e most suitable description for them. like to look at pretty gers, without realisin e cruel fact tt they r nt up to e standard of flirtin. look at e mirror n do some reflections. looks is so impt nowadays.
izit true tt JC is filled wif childish guys? from wad i see,is 70% true. at least my poly frens r nt like tt. shld haf went to poly n avoid gettin hurt in e JC. but no matter wad it is all history n i m forgettin. reali see thru some ppl. utterly disappointed.
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did some reflections again. realise tt i brought everythin upon myself. sadness n anger. tellin myself to let go but stil clinging on to it. i m giving myself time. til my bday. i promise myself to live better after my bday. but e wound is there forever. hope tt i wont b so stupid n step into it again.
xiufen said:"u can affect urself to b happy"
Victor said:"no matter wad u stil gt me n jk"
haiz... thanx alot... suddenly realise tt i made another wrong choice 3 yrs ago.
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TO CIS:
u gt gd taste. penguin is so helpful n man. he hlp mi take volt meter today! i was so shocked! haha... n he is sittin rite in front of mi. haiz... when will i get e same taste as u? i wan a nice guy too!!
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TO everyone who cares:
i dun wanna disappoint u all le. i m sorry. i step into it again. but manage to wake up today. hope i will continue to b awake. few more months i will b out of tis sucky place.
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GHOST FESTIVAL!!! believe in retribution? if yes pls b careful of wad u do.