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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
everything will be fine after this weekend? maybe...
HAH... this is what i bought on last Sunday...
done! after some editing,cos not enough materials provided. but stil manage to finish it.
da mao blogged at 11:10 PM
Monday, February 27, 2006
Heya~ Juz read ur blog, u talking bout the A lvls n saying tt ur stupid if u fail cos u worked hard. But well, you know, A lvl's a bitch. Those who work hard may not essentially see results, but yet they're still not stupid. it just means that your're not the top 15% that manages to enter our local unis. Given that your batch r the baby-boomer batch, it's incredibly difficult to achieve that.... so don't worry, ur not stupid. The most that it can mean is that perhaps u've chosen the wrong course of study by coming to JC, but then, everybody takes a gamble when they're choosing their routes mah right? cos they won't know what's going to be in store ahead of them. everybody is suited for different things, and sometimes you donno what ur suited for until u go through a path and discover yourself and where your ability lies. hmm that's what i think lah.... so don't fret too much k? hehe.. oh..... and well, if you really wanna lighten your parents' load, you can continue to work hard n save more! hehe, lidat then u don haf to take pocket money from them le. will help a great lot! hee..... ok lah....this is juz ignorant me's 2 cents' worth of thought.... can't even be counted as advice or what haha but juz hope that you don't be too harsh on urself n dont 嫌弃 this naggy old auntie here writing to u haha.........
- Lailin
i m so touched. sob sob.
i m still very nervous,about 1 more day. argh. i doubt that i can sleep tomorrow night. i can imagine my results slip,having a E8 or F9 for gp. F for physic. dont dare to think about the others, these 2 subjects are enough to kill me. there's no need to think about the others. from last friday till now,i m having quite a bad moodswing. everyone said that there's nothing to be worried about. is true but i just cant stop thinking about how badly i did for it. it is like all hopes are gone. dont really believe in miracles. cant imagine what will i do after wednesday. i dont think i have time for other things. or maybe i should say.other things dont interest me. i m in this messy mood,which i do not know how to describe. was looking forward to March,but everything seems to be so unexpected. especially when i hear about A lvl results. i thot that it will be released in the end of march. that's what my mum told me. haiz.
yesterday accompany Cis for the makeover thingy. she is so pretty. the photos are really nice. but got to pay alot for it. can see that Cis have the potential to be a model. spend about 4 hours there. but overall is quite fun.
sometimes it is quite irritating,when u've already told people that u are in bad mood,and they ask " wah... bad mood wor. hahaha" or "u really so sad meh?" . is that the way they want to use for cheering me up? i dont get it. i m being too serious or what. i just cant get their joke. and when u tell them not to talk to u about certain things,they love to ask why and continue talking about it. cant understand their purpose. and when someone is in bad mood,dont ask why if they dont intend to tell u. it is very irritating if u ask. it is ok if u ask them what happen. but dont go too far. and to me,dont joke with me. i always cant get any jokes and i will take it very very very seriously. it is not about attitude problem if i ignore u,it is just erm... i dont know how to react to jokes. i m just too serious. i think i can only take jokes from my relatives isomers and some best friends. not everyone.
da mao blogged at 10:18 PM
Saturday, February 25, 2006
in case u all get mislead by some misleading comments in my blog. i have no bf. that is why sometimes i dont wish to see comments about what i blogged. b'cos some comments are misleading. i m not like botak who has a super high EQ. i get irritated so easily. i m not as kind as u all think.
da mao blogged at 1:05 AM
Friday, February 24, 2006
A lvl results will be coming out next wed,1st of March. i m mentally prepared. but i alway thought that it will be release on friday. i feel so nervous now. not joking. i know that 70% i will fail my A lvl. dont need to console me. i did the exams myself,i know it well. i always feel that if u put in your best,it will turn out as the way u expected it to be. but these 2 years in jc prove me wrong. i m so used to getting F grades for every tests. but now it is A lvl. all of u might way there will always be a way out. of cos there r,but it is not the way i want it to be. i worked hard. lots of sleepless nights. if i fail,that only means that i m stupid. dont need to ask me to think the positive side. i must be prepared for the worst. and this stupid person keep asking me about it. he dont know how it feels. he thought that it is so easy. and he still thinks that i m thinking too much and ya he laughed at me. i feel useless. not cos of what he said. but... i always aim for university,and after that,i can lighten my dad's load. but it seem that he have to work many years more for my education. got to walk so far before getting to my destination. so useless.
i found out that i m so dependent on someone. the 1st person that i think i can turn to is him. never mention that to him before and he wont ever know it. but on wed,he will not be there. i thought that it will be on friday,and he will be able to make it there. he is really a great friend. but i m too dependent on him. what will happen if he is not there for me? i told him that i will die if i fail (is a joke),and he replied so seriously. i feel an quan when he is around. but ya,he is so far away. he know nothing about what i m thinking. even me myself dont know what i m thinking.
what will i do if i really fail? poly? retake? NIE?
da mao blogged at 11:12 PM
good or bad new. the people at my workplace want me to stay longer. maybe till march or may. oops. i thought i can have a rest or enjoy myself before the release of A results. but it is still a good news,at least they didnt sack me when i put the wrong price for the goods,or file in wrong things in the wrong file, putting goods in the wrong containers,or standing around when i got nothing to do. getting along quite well with the people there. hmm...take it as i can earn more money. :D anyway,adapted to the place. getting used to all the things. so... is a good news.
went out for dinner with gossip king,wolf,wolf's gf-to-b and fen. it was fun! laughing and suan-ing that big size gossip king. and eating non stop. love city hall area. so much food and fun things. nice scenery and no ridiculous people except me. bought vcd for cis. her birthday tomorrow. haha! it is weekend finally.
will u be happy when the person u like is happy because of another person? without thinking u will say yes. but when i ask myself this question and think again, hmmm selfish me wont feel happy. although i wont say anything but i will feel unhappy inside. so it is best not to like anyone! er i think my blog always give wrong information,take it as i m talking to myself ok.
da mao blogged at 2:56 PM
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
i think i m mean. i scare people away. look at my tagboard you will know why. ok la. if u all want to give any comments,just post it there. all along i m just aiming someone,but i scare all people away. haha. nevermind about that. from now on,wont say that anymore.
today is art and craft day. spent about 4 hours in the conference room wrapping presents and creating name tags. it was fun. dont really like to stare at computer entering data. so boring! finally got to do some lively things. today is the 22th. work for 4 days more and it is finally march! but can feel that i will be very bu she de to leave that company. haiz.
i miss HongKong i miss my daddy. :(
da mao blogged at 10:22 PM
Monday, February 20, 2006
when u make no sense, no one is going to reply u. u all might feel that i damn bad or what. but dont interfere. who is true and who is not,i can see. i can accept people who are weird,but not those who will only put blame on others and not himself/herself. i can listen to u. but it is tiring when out of 10times we chat, 9 times u are blaming others that are not supposed to take those blames. the fault goes to u yourself. i told u all that, but u cant see it. so i have decided to stay away.i m not hinting to anyone,i haven already told u. i m tired.
no comments from anyone. unrelated or related. this is the only place i can voice out my opinion. please dont give 'advices' or comments on this. not interested dont read. interested read but keep quiet. thanks. i m not sweet but nasty.
da mao blogged at 10:24 PM
just another tired boring day at work. L scolded J again. same things happening and repeating. and while working,i m always thinking about other things. think of everything beside work. i cant concentrate. where is my aim of life? where??????? why is it sooooo far away? this is the toughest period of time i supposed. after this, everything will be fine again. few days more? haiz. it seems like years.
by the way,went to sentosa yesterday. lots of new things. spend alot on those things but it is worth it. damn fun i can say. long time never go out together and have fun with mum mum and my brother. oh is sister. the feeling of spending your xue han money on your family is great. hahaha!
this is damn fun la.........
da mao blogged at 9:59 PM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
was chatting with cis yesterday. told her all the things happen this week. and she told me that she is afraid of me having a bf. cos she is relying on me. sounds very weird? but that's what i feel too. she keep thinking that if she is too selfish. last time,i always choose to be with him instead of going out with isomers. i m scared of seeing him unhappy. now thinking of it,what a stupid choice? even if i love him alot,there's no need to leave my friends. i promised cis,i wont ever do that again. like what i said that time,my right guy must get along well with the isomers. and now,single is the best. after going through all this,friends are really the people who wont leave u. and i feel so much happier when i'm with them. i m myself. to me now,i m satisfied with what i have. love from family and friends. i like the way it is. maybe shouldnt have tried to change it. no matter how hard and sianz is working life,there's still friends supporting me. true friends who are always there for me. and i will always be there for them too.
i love them :)
da mao blogged at 12:19 PM
Friday, February 17, 2006
i want to talk about office politics! i started to get used to my job. most of the time i will be in the store room,with another 2 colleagues. i like the 2 of them, J and S. friendly and most importantly, wont see them backstabbing others. whenever if they dont like anything,they will voice out. but there's this girl L,who loves to make things difficult for everyone. especially J. saw how she scold her. and i dont know why she dislike J so much. on Vday,i bought J cookies. can see how happy she was on that day. just cant stand L doing all that la. but we cant say anything. she is the office manager. haiz.
da mao blogged at 11:24 PM
Thursday, February 16, 2006
forgot to blog about the movie "fearless". it is damn nice! jet li is sooooo cool and man. haha! it is such a meaningful show. quite sad too. hmmm...worth the $7.
pic taken by jk
my favourite eating place at geylang east
one of my favourite pics :) not postcard or anything. is taken by my fren!
da mao blogged at 9:36 PM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
i think this will be a long post. and will be the most boring and bo liao post. i post it cause i dont want to forget about anything.
yesterday was Valentine's day. meet my isomers for dinner at Han's. and sexy girl kaori bought each of us a bracelet. and fatty me make each of them a friendship band. ok. saw many couples at city hall that area. 4 of us are laughing at them and talking about roses. it is expensive,but if u receive it,u will feel damn happy. especially if it is from someone u like.love to be one of the crazy isomers. enjoyed myself by talking rubbish and laughing at weird couples. recall what happen last V day? haha. i wasted lots of time on stupid things,and neglect that person i love. feel so silly when i thought of it. it seems to be just a few months ago. hmm...dont look back.
then,meet jk at esplanade. quite weird when others know that i went out with him yesterday. haha. so fast know him for 6 years already. chat about our sec sch days. did lots of stupid things,but very very fun. there's no need to take any responsiblilty for those things we did. most unforgettable day is that year's latern festival,heehee. jk bought me a bear and roses. the bear is cute and i name it as "bai Xiao ji". the meaning of this name is related to ben's chinese name Bai Ji Sheng. quite fun yesterday night. at least we all chat quite alot. not like last time.
today,belated Vday? receive flowers for him. was a surprise. meant for yesterday. but unluckily the florist made a mistake and didnt deliver it on time. and the florist was scolded by him,heard that she cried? he bluff me that he was planning to send flowers to a girl in his camp. is really a surprise. surprise me n my mum. he say that the roses are meant to cheer me up. he know that i m stressed up cos of stupid A lvl. it is weird. very very weird.but it really cheer me up. and i finally remember what i said for the future thingy.
anyway,really very happy on this V day. although i m single,but this is the happiest Vday in my 19 years of life. i enjoyed myself. love the isomers so much. :D
i told u that this is a boring post. thanx for reading till the end.
my workplace :)
da mao blogged at 11:40 PM
Monday, February 13, 2006
feb is not a good month.
march will be better i hope.
looking forward to end of feb. end of my job. start of happy things.
da mao blogged at 12:10 AM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
firstly,i dont need any comments from unrelated people.
was looking forward to today,meeting up with the isomers. ya it was a happy day. but we chat about A lvl. it spoil everyone's mood. no confidence and things like that. it is not only about that. life seems to change so much after graduating. entering to a working society is another cause. fake people everywhere. and stupid us do not know how to deal with them. the only thing that can make me happy is to go out have a walk. remember that in the past,i always feel that if i put in effort in something,i will get it. but now,i realise that it is not. like A lvls,i've put in my very best. but?
so lost now. all the others feel the same way. i dont really want to affect them. saw how upset they are. haiz. what's going on? chat with mark. he is always so cheerful and happy. although he has to go through hell in thai. haiz. when can i learn from him? i m just so pessimistic. something is missing in my life. and i still cant find what is it. so lost when u dont know where u are heading to.
da mao blogged at 2:08 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
i miss someone
da mao blogged at 10:42 PM
i feel so upset now,after watching show. sounds stupid right. haiz that's me. saw how 2 people who are in love with each other got separated. hmm..but in real life,such things wont happen ba. if really love each other,nothing can separate them.
i m so emotional. i miss someone,someone...seems so far away from me.
yesterday night went out with my mum mum n sis. dinner at lao di fang. and i force them to go clarke quay with me. n i saw fireworks. again at the same place. it is like a habit that i will take out my handphone and sms those people who are important to me whenever i get to see fireworks. yesterday i feel like smsing him. but in the end,haha i didnt. i've no courage to do such things. some people always say the "let's see what will happen in 3 years/1 month etc..." thingy. after the period of time,everything changes. 1 day is enough for a person to change,so dont ever think of 3 years or 1 month.
again. i miss all the isomers. that day when we were at coffee bean,chatting laughin... and 4 of us use 1 umbrella,from clarke quay to chinatown. so fun...
i m so emotional!!! haiz...waiting for miracles to happen?
hey i told u, no comments from unrelated jerks!
da mao blogged at 7:46 PM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
mood affects a person's day,and also luck. was feeling happy today morning. trying to do everything slowly,hope that can stay in tis company as long as they allow. but there's one girl L who is so eager to ask me to leave. because she have to save money for the company. haiz! should i look for another job? anyway i will be getting back my results soon. should have no mood to do anything after that. not that i m bei guan,haiz i know where my standard is. fail GP means everything gone. started to think ALOT again. remember that day after taking GP exams. got scolded by my mum. not cos of me not doing well,but cos i m thinking TOO MUCH. that's me loh. anyway,SP n NYP are 2 good choices. if i cant squeeze into NTU. argh... i m thinking again. i think is 2 weeks later right? but i m so nervous now. should learn how to calm myself down. after so long,i still learn nothing.
haiz. when u feel moody, u will feel unlucky. that's what i feel now. always feel like asking myself why life is so boring. all along u are actually doing the same thing. but this is such a stupid question. u feel bored cos u are not satisfied. when feeling bored,try to look forward to things. i m looking forward to something. dont know what that something is,but it keeps me happy. being silly is a good way to make yourslf happy. i hope i m silly silly!! haha... waht rubbish is that?
hey next week is valentines' day! yeah! i m going to buy chocolates for myself. and stuff myself with it. :D
da mao blogged at 10:05 PM
Monday, February 06, 2006
got to blog what happen today,in case i forget.
cis came back from thai thai finally! miss her so much. shall not declare my love for her here. she cant see. hah! she bought me a top and ahem... underwear. that's my cis! know my size and everything. haiz really miss all of them so much... i dont know why,but can sense that all of us are feeling abit sad.
please stop irritating me la. ask ask ask. dont ask me so much can? if u are my fren i wont mind. but u are not. and i show it. but u dont understand. so maybe should try and tell u here instead? please stop asking me or helping me when i dont even need help. why are u all so eager to see me being sad or helpless? i m telling u now,im fine and happy with my life. i need true friends,and i got all of them. n u are not even my friend. i can see your motive. showing off everything to me. who cares about what type of houses u live in? dont ask me again. u are not even my friend. dont tell me how mature u are. mature people wont say "hey i m so mature".
in case others misunderstand,this person is a guy with quite alot of fats,same jc as me.
i feel that when u like something,u should try and get it. get it as in take initiative. but dont hurt others. dont regret when the something u like is taken by others. it is too late already. ya see! no more BAD for me. haiz. too late. stupid me!
da mao blogged at 10:58 PM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
was chatting with a sec sch friend. and i discovered that he has not made any improvement from that time till now. as in studies characters and many things. i was shocked. last time i remember him as a mature guy. the reason why i feel that way is because i m moving on but he is still staying at the same spot. and he thought that i m still the girl 3 years ago. but i m not. i got my aims now. i know what i m heading for. what is good for me and what is not. after so much ups and downs,it is time for us to learn. i m going to turn 20 this year. no more teenager's days. should really get myself prepared for more things. tired of explaining all these again. but ya if u understand me then u will know.
about all my previous post mentioning about my mr right. there's someone who are very interested. so now i will tell u know about that. i hope that mr right will get along well with my family n cis trans( i told them how er u r,so i dont think u can get along well with them). i hope that he wont show off ( but u love to show off. ur wealth n whatever. wise man dont do that). so by looking at these 2 criteria, u are out... dont need to ask me again. and please dont ask or think so much again. any good things that i post here,are not related to u.
i got no attitude problem. i wont treat u badly if u are true or nice to me. dont blame me for being rude,it is u who made me do this.
da mao blogged at 11:44 PM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
i feel so free now. so weird right? that i feel nothing after telling him. honestly,this is my 1st time initiating such thing. mayb is also the 1st time that i m doing things for myself in relationship. really feel so much lighter now. for this short period of time,i was always waiting for his call. not that i miss him ALOT. but is like standing by that he will meet me suddenly. when he called,i will wait for him to come. really like an idiot. the reason why i did that is not cos i love him alot,but just dont want him to be unhappy. but i m unhappy.
i know in the future,the right one will not do this to me. Fen say the right one for me seems to be quite near. but i wont dare to accept any guys now. so afraid to be tied up by people,or me tie him up? now i know what is the criteria for the right one. he must get along well with my family (of cos) n cis trans. and of cos,love me. :D
da mao blogged at 10:41 PM
Friday, February 03, 2006
haiz. there's no more BAD. n there's no chance to see them coming to s'pore again. sob. and this is confirm by my own beloved Ben. he leave a message on a website,telling his fans (yeah me!!!) that it is hard to see them 3 singing together again. Danny n himself are busy with other things, and Alex's mum just pass away. but the main reason is still because of that stupid EM_ contract. haiz.
friday! my favourite day. work is so sianz for me this few days because the computer system is completely down. i though that the documents i saved will be all gone. but hahaha! they managed to retrieve them. n not wanting it to have any risk of disappearing,wahaha... i print it out 1st. but the weird thing is that there will always be paper jam when i use. printer dont like me. no choice. but haiya still sianz. maybe one more week to go. i want to take a break. :D
dont know when cis is coming back. all of us are waiting for this noisy crazy pretty lady to come back. weekend le,feel so weird without seeing the isomers. adeline sms me just now. telling me that she is feeling sad because we cant get to see each other that often. haiz ya... i feel that way too. i miss u all alot. :(
da mao blogged at 10:54 PM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
adeline n fen are joking about me having an oral presentation on "10 reasons why i must leave". actually,the 1st reason is enough to explain. i m not happy. this is a selfish reason. but i know that i m forcing myself for that period of time. in front of him,i m not myself. when things got to be forced,no one will be happy. he know that i think. i cant see the importance of me to him. life is so complicated then. i just want a person to accompany me like normal couples. he did no wrong,but is just that the difference is too big. but... i feel guilty now. for what right... aiya i dont know. anyway,i m not important to him. i need a little bit more of care,but he cant give me any. hmm... that's the reason.
dont need to console me. because i m alright. and i know this is better for me. for him too. i m not his cup of tea. no use forcing. although he didnt say so. of all the isomers,i think i m the only one who is xiao nu ren. mayb is really time for me to speak up for myself. CW,i m not a feminist, yet. haha.
this few days seems to be so long. that feeling is stil here. whenever i think of outing without jm,haiz. ok shldnt say that anymore. hee hor is with me! shall take good care of him!! oops. i said that so many times.
da mao blogged at 10:14 PM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
1st of feb. not a good start. the computer system of my workplace is down. so imagine that i sit there rot for the whole day. but at least i got 2 ang baos from my colleague. that's the best things that happen to me at my workplace.
the most impt thing of today is to send jiemin off. as u can see,from yesterday till now,i've been feeling very sad about this. although friendship is not about distance,but it is impossible that i wont feel sad and bu she de. jiemin is such a wonderful friend to me. miss her and puggy so much. now got to wait for dont know how many months before i can see jiemin again. n have to wait for her bro to come back,then will have chance to see puggy again. jiemin's so touched when she see what we did for her. the booklet thingy and every every thing. so embarrassing. i m the 1st one who cried. followed by other 3 isomers. jiemin gave me her hee hor. now i m hee hor's bao mu. got to take good care of him.
actually jiemin is the strongest girl among all our isomers. and also the cutest one. hmm... for the time being,she'll not be with us physically. but she will always be in our hearts! :D
another cis is at thai thai now. should be enjoying her trip there. miss u all so much! waiting for cis to come back,with the thai tissues that she promised. think she will come back with lots of xiao xhu's pics. too bad BAD is not that popular there. if not...heh heh!
i got no depression problem. if i have any,i will look for people to chat with me or help me. there's no need for excessive help. it is easy to give advices,but hard to do it. if all of us can,no one will be unhappy now. understand?
da mao blogged at 11:52 PM