Tuesday, January 31, 2006

i have no moodswing now. but i feel sad. 2 isomers are leaving tomorrow. 1 is going for holidays. and another is going for studies. i feel very bu she de. dont know how to describe the feeling. u all might say, 4 days n 3 months only. i thought so too. but now it really further proven that isomers are impt to me. hmmm... that's what i want to say. n tomorrow is the day. haiz.

i miss them. haiz. if u dont know what is true friendship,u wont know how i feel now.

went to jm's hse today. so funny that we must act like we dont know his brother. jm's bro is so sweet to jm. did so many things for her present and dont even mind to give up his sleep. and so qiao. he left for thai today. suddenly so many people are leaving s'pore. haiz.

anyway... hope this feeling wil be over soon.



Monday, January 30, 2006

when i treat u as a fren,i hope that u treat me as one too. but now,i found out that u take me as a threat to u. i saw u looking at me that way many times. i was puzzled,i dont understand what that means. now i know.

quite happy this few boring days. night is the only time that i will feel happy.
heeheehee...

i found the life i want. aiming for that. and giving up what i m having now. i want to take bus for this period of time. car or whatever dont matters. and i want to wander around. not to sit somewhere and wait for dont know what to appear. i want people to accompany me,not leaving me aside and do their own things. i want a clear life,with most of things planned when going out. not deciding only at that point of time when i m already outside. i want to be there for that person,but i hope that the person will be there for me too. i hope that the person have same hobbies as me,and not lying about " oh..i oso like this" in the 1st place. after some time,everyone can see that it is only a lie. i want to share the same aim as that person. dont force me to do anything that i dont like. when there's a need for u to force me,then i dont think there's a reason to continue anything. and dont ask me why. if i know,i will surely tell u without having u asking.

so yup,that's what i aimed for. :D not containing any 'feminism' right?



Saturday, January 28, 2006

if i m not wrong,today is chu xi. but i m all alone at home! sis went out,mum went for work. friends eating reunion dinner with their family. haiz.

what i m saying now dont refer to just one person. so dont think so much. i saw how people pretend that they are your friend. but their real motive is to get some things from u. it is not wrong to choose friends who will give u benefits. but somehow it made me disappointed. i tried to accept,but not every1 saw that. and after all effort,people wont see it. if u hope for friends who will tell u everything,then i think u shld tell them your things too.

so tired after all those things. but luckily there's still some cis trans there to chat with me. plus someone. someone who accompanied me for the whole nite. chatted with me about future. ok.this someone is not the one u all r thinking.no one know who he is,n he is just a normal fren. all i want is a simple life. i envy his life. carefree. simple. lovely. happy. izit becos of age? or character? if i can choose,i hope i can be a guy. a guy like him. dont think so much. i only like him as a fren.

btw. i wanna repeat this. no comments from unrelated people. i dun wanna hear ur comments.



Friday, January 27, 2006

got to blog what happen today n yday. i m totally utterly disappointed with people. when u tried to organise outing,it is sure that people grumble cause of the location or time. ok. it is fine if u want to tell me nicely. but please dont let me sense your unhappiness. i tried my very best to make everything nicely for u people. now blames goes to me again. dont let me feel that i m a slave or what. everytime, it is only those few of us planning outing. n the few of us wont ever complain about others plans. know why? cause they understand how hard it is to please everyone. so if u are unhappy and feel irritated by my plans,then please organise it yourslf. i m also affected by it. if u dont treat me as fren,then ok fine. forget it. when she is unhappy,she can say she not joining us. u think that i m happy? i believe in GIVE N TAKE. if u want us to treat u that way,then continue. if not,please reflect on yourslf. i dont hope for this to happen. and i keep it for damn long. please understand me. satisfy everyone is difficult. but at least understand my effort. she is strong and she can do all these. so i can too. i change cause i dont wanna put anyone in such situation. now? maybe i shld change back to what i m? ya i shld. i m strong too. please be polite. i will treat u nicely. dont make me hate anyone. forgiving is not so easy when things are too over-the-limit. and finally it is over. unrelated people please dont give comments. thanks.

another thing is. when u promise me something,please make sure u can fulfill the promise. again n again u break your promise. once again,i want to remind u that i m not a slave. i m a human. normal human with heart. i can feel. i can sense. i can tolerate to an extent. dont make it happen next time. i will burst. i promise i will.

got my pay and bought my mummy lots of things. spend over $100 on my mummy n sis. but i m so happy. cos they are the people who really care about how i feel. cis trans too. but not every1 of them. i m sad. shldnt have hide it. sorry for affecting others. accept my apology.



Wednesday, January 25, 2006

headache. did many things today. at work n after work. had a CNY celebration in office. i can i say i m really lucky to have chance to work there. but after CNY,they dont need me anymore. so...who want me??? meet my sec school frens for dinner. ate my favourite japanese food,damn expensive but nice. think will be meeting them again during CNY. :D

i found that many people are rude n kiasu. at first i dont really believe it. BUT today's bus journey prove me wrong. people are fighting for seats. they are so afraid that the seats they spot will be taken up by others. and they push n squeeze just to get the seat. besides that, i want to make a conclusion about something i saw. all those guys who look like a bookworm are mostly perverts. they act innocent. so girls,be careful n take care of urself.

after so much things,i found that i m still steppin on the same spot. maybe a bit further away. but still in it. that's the real reason of me having headache. after getting too much shock, ups n downs. actually,what m i doing?
i just hope for someone who can care for me,lead a simple life with me. i just hope that this person will go sentosa with me. just the 2 of us. it is just so simple. but others made it so complicated. it is just the 2 of us. i believe that friends and 'him' must be seperated. i feel so relax last time. a simple n happy life. i miss sentosa. the beach the playground the nacho the 7-11. and most imptly,the 2 of us. yeah i m still hoping for it. stupid. now,who will ever understand? haiz. i can say...i really miss him alot... dont worry he wont read my blog. neither will his gf.

taken at sentosa on that day. the happiest day when i was with him. the saddest day when i found out the truth.

Monday, January 23, 2006

ho ho! i found this book called "when dolphin meets cat" in the library. what's so special about it? heh! it is becos Ben acted in the show! :D

hmmm... found that there's still lots of things that i haven buy. promised mr tan that i will go back n continue my guzheng thingy after A lvl. but i disappeared. becos i dont wanna go alone. plus i need lots of money too. i wanna get myself a new guzheng. haiz....

today's question is... what is impt to u in your life? family? friends? wealth? or...?
to me,family and friends are really impt. but,truthfulness is another impt thing. seen many cases before. fake people used ways to gain popularity. but who knows if they are really fake or just desperately need this popularity? shall we try to understand them or avoid? i learnt alot in tis 2 years. misunderstanding and things like that. and no one want to clear the misunderstandings,and they just leave it there.nothing is being done in the end. think before doing something. we need it.

complain. i hate this EM_ company. so biased so unfair! what is this man? singers from this company has no future. becos the company put in all money in just one singer. and the others are like grass to them. what the hell. come on loh,see how many fans B.A.D have? there's 1 big one here. da bian ni. i m saving up my money to buy their album and what's with this company now? i hope that Dav_d Ta_ will go to some other companies. :D so he dont have to use up all the money of EM_. save some for B.A.D. or B.A.D to go to other companies? HAHAHAHA.



Sunday, January 22, 2006

some problem with bloggers. my previous entry's alignment is so weird.

i found that i m so stupid n blur. i dont even know to check friendster for wenqi's blog. -_- blur me... hmm..so i shall do this now... :)







Friday, January 20, 2006

Thursday, January 19, 2006

starting to see some bad thing in the company that i m working for. racism is the biggest problem. saw how these people push all the work to this girl,J,who is a malay. the worst thing is that they love to complain that J is slow. maybe she is not that capable,but at least she is hardworking. some of them are slacking all the way,but no one will scold them. but J cant even have her lunch or go home punctually. these 3 days i m in the stock room working with J n another ger S. doing the same work,but S is so relax. observing them,i can really feel the biasness. all the blame will always go to J. J chatted with me today,she actually work for this company for 21yrs! and S is a new comer. although J is slow in doing work ( or maybe too much work),no one should dislike someone because she is not as capable. afterall,she is still a loyal hardworking staff. why treat her this way? so unfair. conclusion:most of the high ranked people in these office are biased plus racist. yea...i m sick of it.

one of my frens ask if i want to go back to SR this new year. haha. dont want la. people shy leh. YUCK,that's not me. ok. i wont go back,except for that day of results. be a bad person,i want to say that i m so happy hearing about the attitude problem thingy. good luck to him man! but... i shldnt be that bad. so... stil good luck to him :) haha... the main thing is that i dont want to be the centre of 'attraction'. kids nowadays love to stare at people with that 'i m shocked' face. what for going there to let them look at me that way?
the people that i like in school are not there anymore. last time this group of people love to laugh at me,but i know, there are the people who are really true to me. although they make me a joke. they are the people who made my life in jc wonderful. at least i know what they are laughing at. i miss school days,with the presence of these people. :D

i m satisfied with my life. memories are enough for a person to continue his or her life.



Tuesday, January 17, 2006

is there a reason why people will dream of things when they are sleeping? i always thot that it is cos of thinking too much about something,and it will appear in your dream. but nowadays,i dream of many unrelated people. sometimes,dreams will spoil your mood. when u dream of something that will never ever happen,that's worst. i hate dreams. i need a good night sleep instead of one with nightmare. every nite i wake my mum up with all my screaming n scolding,and no one can understand what i m talking about. i m weird. haha...

i m so high now. yu le bai fen bai's singing contest got my favourite beloved lover Ben. oh my gosh, he is e best of all... ahhhhhhh where is BAD? i know i m irritating but i want BAD...

k... dreams r good when i dream of Ben... :D



Sunday, January 15, 2006

it is 11 something now. so fast,weekend is ending soon. and tml...work again! :)

"with bitter, one will cherish sugar, with sadness one will realise happiness"
what mr yeo said is so true. starting to miss my school days. no matter how stressful is those times,i still have my isomers around. but now when we start working, we must face all difficulties on our own. ya i started to miss all those people in school. isomers... the person i love...the person i like... the person i hate... the teachers... without all work and stress, school is still the best place.

no matter what,the most impt thing is ourselves. the way or angle we look at things.

the pretty one standing on extreme left is my mum!!

after that,went chinatown to meet isomers. wah hah... chinatown is super crowded. so in the end,we went to lau pa sat to have our dinner. then to raffles place,then to boat quay,then to clarke quay,then to esplanade,then to city hall,then go home. ya...that's all. :)

this is always my favourite place,no special reason.

clarke quay!!

Friday, January 13, 2006

can u imagine,if this is your life : Morning wake up at 6am, go school study till 5pm, come home rest eat bathe, go work at 8pm, finish work at 3am, come home about 4.45am,sleep awhile,n school again... the cycle repeats.
so... must be understanding! :D

work is sianz. but people there are all very friendly,cos i post no threat to them ba. but saw how the person who r in charge of me got scolded by the manager. found that i m so stressed up cos of myself. i m always thinking too much. i m dreaming every nite,dreaming about what i'll b doing tml n things like that. n i always wake my mum up when i shout n scream in my dreams. haha. but yesterday,i had a not-so-sad dream. it is something that i expected.

with bitter, one will cherish sugar, with sadness one will realise happiness...
by yeo joey. haha

can anyone tell me where is BAD? btw... BAD is a boyband... not that i m referring to my life or what...



Wednesday, January 11, 2006

chinese new year is coming. this is the 1st year that i m looking forward to it. this year is a different year,i got to entertain people!! can u imagine me saying gong xi fa cai to everyone with that wide wide smile and wear like a red hong bao? but i have to do all that. excited excited. a new thing for me to try on. :D btw... i have some cute photos to show u all...

heehee...i love this baby so much! so cute....

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

oh... there's an anonymous here reading my every post in my blog. thanks for that. it simply means that u dont know me well. yes of cos karma exists. by insulting people here, and not putting your name here, so do u think that is cool? hey u know that karma exists right? be careful. by the way, i didnt do the what 'use pity...' thingy. so there's no need for me to be scare of karma. :) is ok to put ur name there if u wanna insult people here. i welcome u! heh heh.... i m not pitiful or anything like that. frens who noe me well will noe i m a happy person. do i need to use 'pity' to get things? well. i dont think so ba.

pathetic anonymous. u got it all wrong. but...since u are not people who know me well,den is ok. i forgive u. scold loh,scold as much as u like n see what will happen. heh...karma exists. anyway... i pity people who only dare to insult people using internet or blog,n worse still,dun dare to put their names there. can only see how childish are these people. yeah for us, dont like means dont like n we dont use blog to scold people. but,since u bother to come here all the way n scold me,i think u still care for me rite? oh i m soooo touched u see? thanks for ur care! i m living happily now,without doing anything bad. who dont make mistakes in the past? ya i do. but most imptly,learn from it. best fren noe me. they noe what happen. not like our poor anonymous here. he or she is so lost now. sob. dont be scared. u will find ur way out.

wanna make my life miserable or make me 'famous'? i dont need it. u wont be able to make my life miserable cos i have great frens. make me 'famous'? oh i dont need that too cos i m happy with my life. karma exist. it means cause n effect. u insult me n this is wad u get,or even worse in the future. once again,i didnt cause anythin bad,so there is no -ve effects. anonymous, i'll welcome u n ur comments anytime. it only reflects how childish u r. i see why u dont dare to put ur name there. :) dont use pity to insult people wor...

i wont repeat the mistake that i made last time. i know it is wrong. n i wont let myself to be such a bad person again. this 2 years, i had enough from myself and others. i m childish last time,but i m not now. i m clear of what i want,i wont do stupid things again. what i did made me suffer for so long. now is finally over. i wont let it repeat again.



Monday, January 09, 2006

firstly,i want to complain about something. i hate a cd shop named HM*. i was waiting for cis just now. and i went to this cd shop to shop shop. guess what? i saw them selling BAD's album at $4.95. come on!!! what is this man??? it is their latest album! #@!)* &$@... dont look down on BAD k? da bian ni.

meet cis at city hall just now. to see SHE. reminds me of that time i missed my BAD concert n things like that. all thanks to that person who dont allow me to go. THANKS TO U IDIOT. i doubt that idiot will see my blog,but is ok. cis promised me that if got chance,she will pei me to see BAD. ya... got CHANCE. but i m waiting. BAD is e best! btw,today i found that i love to make strangers hate me. :) that's me. if u just judge me by my looks without knowing me well,i can tell u that u are stupid. dont ever judge someone by her looks. dont make assumptions too. u will just look like a fool if u do so. m i hostile again? ya i m. but specially for strangers only. :) dont worry my frens.

i dont know how to differentiate what is true or fake anymore. to anonymous : karma do exist. and u know why. anyway, i think is better for u to put ur name there instead of puttin anonymous. if i didnt guess wrongly, i know who u r. :)

will be jobless again in a few days time? haha... who knows.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

notice i remove the 'depression' post? i remove it cos at that point of time,i just need a place to voice out my sadness. when i m ok, i will remove it. that explains why that post is missing.

went out with cis n fen today. sing kbox. lunch there sux to the core. rice is not properly cook and looks disgusting too. not that i love to complain, go try it if u think that i m fussy. u will know why if u really taste the food there. btw it is at tampines. after that went to far east to look for another isomer jiemin. she's working at her sis' shop. saw how tough her job is. so tiring. ok... time for free promoting.

people. go n try the food at far east. the food from "chippy". yummy yummy!! i strongly recommend u all to try all the food there. it is located at far east,basement,beside shi lin xiao chi. u can see lots of people there. and the girl who serve us is so friendly. so cute. so sweet. so understanding. hmmm ya,she's one of e isomers jiemin. :D

was chatting with fen n cis on bus just now. talk about how much jokes we can take. the conclusion we made is that fen's n my irritation circle is big. once u step in that circle,u'll die. and both of us are sensitive,compared to cis. cis' circle is super small. she can take lots of jokes. but, no matter what,everything has its limit. better dont take things like "hey i love u" as a joke. it is not funny. do u know what is love? most of us dont know. i can say i m not sure about its meaning too. so,dont anyhow say it. be sure if u want to say that to someone. dont ever treat it as a joke.

bear with my moodswing. it is not about complaining. but about disappointment. and i know that few more hours later,i will forget. forgive and forget. i've trained myself. i think there is nothing wrong about having moodswing right? moodswing only means that i m in bad mood in this moment,and will be fine in the next moment. nothing wrong ba.

tml is start of weekend. :) i noe i will be enjoying. i m still lookin forward to my future. moodswing dun affect that at all.

btw... thanx for u n u for sms-ing me after reading my blog. really appreciate it.



Thursday, January 05, 2006

as expected,my job is boring. lots of things to key in,but their computer hang halfway,i think about 3 or 4 times. n e work i saved is also gone. i dont know why. but people there are friendly. again,i m workin with aunties n uncles. that's another reason why i feel bored. i have no one to talk to there. no matter what,1st day of work is quite a good experience for me.hmm... till now still dont know if they want me for 2 weeks only or longer. but with such situation,think they only need a helper for this period of time. n then! i will be jobless AGAIN. haiz... anyone have lobang ma?

comapre with those days when i was selling shoes,life now is much more better. no cunning uncle n aunties who love to fight for customers. no cases where they are all sitting down and i was standing there all alone.

if u dont see me online on msn,it is cos that i m not online. or maybe some other reasons. there is something that called "appear offline". haha...



Wednesday, January 04, 2006

forget it... please... how long does it takes for us to forget about things that are important?
haiz. forget it.

i found a job. starting work tml. a bit disappointed as i m not able to work with cis at the S office. but anyway, i hope this job will keep me occupied for my holidays. to stop me from thinking of stupid things,n addicted to date the vampires. i love to be busy,so i can tell people that i m busy! yeah...or maybe,working is a way to avoid problem that i dont want to face. say i useless or whatever,ya i just dont know how to face it. i need a place to hide. :D

hope that everything will go smoothly tomorrow.
hope no one will complain that i know nothing.

haiz,i m a working adult for now. haiz. adult fare really kills.



Tuesday, January 03, 2006

went out with jing n rome today. wahah! long time no see looohh... rome is stil like an ah pek,n jing is still so cute.

btw i discovered that people just love to do things that are not allowed or will make others unhappy. attitude problem? trying to act cool? or attracting attention? well... i dont know. but dont ever do such things on me. cos i will cry. oh i m kiddin again. i will kill u la.

my next job mayb starting soon. that's what i hope. dont wanna be so free, n always waste money on stupid things like food. i mean i have been eating ALOT. i dont want to become more n more chubby. haiz...

i miss my hk relatives. saw my cousin's blog,n they were having their party on 31st. sob. without me n my family. i need a job,i need money to go back. arghh...i miss them so much!

fate is human's greatest fear. it controls everything, except for a person's mindset n will. what will happen in the future is actually decided. fate brings people to some things,and how the story will go,it is also fixed. no one will know what will happen in the future or even the next moment. but fate knows.fate knows which step we are going to take. fate is not our friend. is it true that fate really exist?

sometimes it is still better to ask rather than keeping quiet n wait for answer.
i m so tired........



Monday, January 02, 2006

thanks for people who noticed that i m in bad mood this few days. for those who know me well,i dont like to talk about my problem,n the most i will type it here. sometimes all i need is abit more care from people that r close to me. seriously i cant feel it. i didnt ask much. maybe a sms or a call will do. (btw,i wrote... 'close ones'. not any unrelated jerks) i dont know how to show anger or unhappiness in front of people. i only know how to vent it out here. that's the problem of the intensive use of computer. n that's the main reason why i m always unhappy when i m using my computer for more than dunno how many hours.

yday i dreamt of the same thing again. when i wake up,i know that nothing has changed. it is still me. it is still the same situation. no matter how long or short i slp, i m still tired. cos i keep dreaming of useless things. so i m still tired now. tired of everything. if can,i hope that i can sleep for 24hrs everyday, never wake up...

again,i hope that no one will ever post any comments(about my mood or my entries) on my tag board. i wld like to see happy things posted there n not assumptions or things like that. advices i have heard alot. i dont think i need it.



Sunday, January 01, 2006

went out with cis trans isomers today. planned to have dinner at lao di fang n take a walk at clarke quay after dinner. but what happen? it rain again. spoil our plan,spoil my mood,spoil everything. luckily we managed to enjoy our dinner at lao di fang. but it really spoil my mood,i dont have the chance to go clarke quay again.

this is what we did at coffee bean

at first... the sky is still blue....

30mins later... RAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

i have another ambition now! besides teaching,mayb i will try to take up health care courses in NYP. but... i will disappoint my parents if i really choose that. cos my main aim is university. haiz. nvm... decide when results r out. :D maybe i cant make it to university also la...