Wednesday, November 29, 2006

whole body aching! the symptom after exams.
i edit my post again :(
i have all i want. say that i will be positive but i wrote such negative things instead. so no-no-no of me. so naughty of me. think i m really bad. foul mood when i m tired, a little of frustration. after waking up,feel guilty for complaining about things. doubting people and myself again and again. must change this bad habit. must have more confidence in people. especially the special one.

好想他.... :(

heard a lot of bad news recently, cant possibly say they dont affect me. but i still think positively. like what we love to say,走一步看一步。no matter what,things still change. just...take it positively,might not be a bad thing.

Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize that you've lost a diamond
while you were too busy collecting stones

recently dig out a lot of things. those things that i hide under my table 1 year ago,out of my reach. found that i have actually forgotten about soooo many things. kind of surprised when i saw those things,i totally cant recall. totally forgot those things that happened before. may be, it is not important anyway.

i m so guilty. i have been a slacker. today's literature exam is really like 米田共. crap. blame it on myself,i have been skipping lit lectures,day dreaming during tutorial,and didnt even bother to touch my notes. slept for 2 hours yesterday. although i did memorize all important points,but i m just not the lit type of person. hate it. hate it.

凡事不要太执著，没有人的错。一切都必须看得开




Tuesday, November 28, 2006

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw8tnYVEFx0&NR

so touching...sobs... miriam yeung so cute!



Monday, November 27, 2006

my first time having exams in ntu. as usual,stomach pain before exam. luckily that i m not studying for chemistry or maths,dont have any formulas to memorise. but i still dont know what is the purpose of history exam,where they have already given you the questions and you can prepare the answers at home. all you have to do is to do research,write out notes out in point form,then write an essay at home,memorise, then write out the whole essay again during actual exam,under pressure,with the given 2.5hours.
hmm but the exam hall is quite grand. a bit lost. the blur queen of the queen :D

还有少爷闭关修炼得太intense，最后走火入魔。hai! 害得我被打进冷宫

今天有个很笨的想法，一直问自己康宏过得怎样了。
死人能怎样？ 还有去哪里？ 有的‘过’吗？
问我的笨妈，她说，‘在另一个世界里’。
好像还活着。不知道。
不过考试完了会去看他。

life is not dull when we have something to look forward to. even if there's nothing,convince youself that there is. why m i repeating this? learning from what had happened. may be i m slightly more fortunate. have my 笨妈 傻爸 笨妹 many good nice friends and 傻少爷。
要知足常乐。
so feel like going out to slack. ya i have 2 papers only. today is the first and wednesday is the last. sounds funny. just hope to get it over and done with. hate literature.
after wednesday, first thing is to visit kanghong,then vivo city again! never shop much everytime i go there. then sentosa again! the memorable bridge... :D the blood and the sand. then city hall again. my favourite place.

oh ya talking about city hall,suddenly think of something. jeremy told ks about him having new girl friend. hmmm fast.

对这种人，只可以摇摇头。不可以说是他错，可能只是还没定性？
anyway,what ping said is true. none of your business and MYOB.
ks shared lots of secrets with me. heh. sometimes we do things that are very unexpected. but well all are in the past,so let's look forward to life. just dont repeat same mistake.

汉杰你很帅！
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr3DViBEZvI&NR
this ah boy smiles like shao ye. so cute! haha. and that song soooooo nice :D




Thursday, November 23, 2006

i m always thinking of enjoying life when studying. mind is all on slacking. just want to go out and shop and eat and walk and sit and etc etc etc. all of my other friends have finished their exams. reminds me of the lost feeling after A levels. well i wont want to experience that again. life is so dull so horrible without aims.
some things that i should change... take a small step at a time.
always be silly and happy.



Wednesday, November 22, 2006

昨天一整天都在外面。
忽然觉得现在过的很踏实。不再像以前不懂在干嘛。
甜言蜜语往往好听，但不实在。
实话往往不懂听，但才踏实。
女孩子都矛盾，爱听甜言蜜语，但又怪人爱说谎，不成熟。
听了实话又会不高兴。
那到底要些什么？
为什么觉得他不一样？就是因为他的实话很有道理。
听了不一定开心，但过后发觉他很有道理的。很难有人会好好地思考真实的情况。
开玩笑时的甜言蜜语，认真时的实话。
这样反而更真实。也是我要的。






Monday, November 20, 2006

做人要争气
做什么都要争气

看到人的改变，我忍不住发抖
会不会真的有一些东西是不会变的？
惊讶。
没什么好做的，只好看开点。

just some thoughts.
有些人很现实. they ask you out. single date. and the main reason why you reject them is either you are attached or you are not interested in entertaining them. when you be honest with them,they will be shocked. you are tooooo frank. but from then on,they wont talk to you anymore. not even friends. people are like that. ask you to be friends? open eyes and SEE.

no wonder. they are feminist.



Sunday, November 19, 2006

今天我很不应该
做了些不该做的事。

早上迟了起来，所以赶着出门，忘了带很重要的东西。
过了一下才记得，但太迟了。
幸好他没生气。
之后回学校拿回‘大长金’，因为考试快到了。
可是因为这样，我害他拿着‘大长金’走了好久。
虽然他没有抱怨，但是我内疚。
毕竟是我害的。
后来我也没陪他很久，就要回家了。

很难得能找到一个每个角度看都帅的人。
因为很难得会找到一个你很喜欢的人。


http://youtube.com/watch?v=urvnBNuWczc
got ben inside...
but it is quite a sad video. about depression.
how scary depression is.
how important friends are.

maybe that's how he felt when he killed himself



Thursday, November 16, 2006

christmas is coming. no celebration or whatever. i just want to spend that day with my love ones. i want it nice and simple. because i m just a simple shortie hoping for a simple christmas day.

开心我有今日. 等了好久
今年终于可以有个快乐的xmas.
你有今日.我也有今日

好想你

i can die laughing while watching this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsGjCJ8sPNM&mode=related&search=

moody? watch this and you will forget why u are moody

my sis ask me to blog about she come back from dont know where. i forgot where. ya i miss her sooooo much. but she didnt go home for so many days. haiz she never miss me. sad. sad. and she come back with two weird furry thingy,dont know what is that. really cute. so funny.



Wednesday, November 15, 2006

moody day.
not a happy day.
dont ask why.

摇摇头就算了

又是那种不安的感觉

解释不了因为我忘了

解释太清楚又不太好

所以

摇摇头就算了

又累了

真是无聊的我

该睡了 该忘记

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

今天和isomers去游泳。只有kaori and ping. 好想念其他人...
听说她们分手了，好可惜，但是这样应该对她们两个都好，毕竟...继续下去不会有结果。
之后去吃晚餐。真的差点吃到饱死。我好肥。

回家后，有点失落。很想念天天和她们在一起的日子。
想念天天烦着ping的日子。想念听她们鄙视大只男的时候。
有点刻薄，但是又很好笑。
哈哈... 以前每天有什么事，第一时间可以找她谈。
现在也可以，不过...有点远。
ping...I LOVE YOU...

no matter what and how,dont be too extreme. be positive. and really positive.
when good things happen, people tend to be happier and get more positive. because there's hope. even if there's nothing,wait for something to happen,that's hope.
there's aim and hope in life,there's always people who care for you.
life is about waiting.

意外的发现，少爷和ben 有几分相似...
巧到连耳环都一样。真神奇！

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3fHvFQ92l-M
what is so special about this clip? guess



Monday, November 13, 2006

Mandai Columbarium BlockD104, 1st Floor, #0607

pay kanghong a visit ba

during 3D when we really have nothing to do................

我们就会..................

shao ye so cute

i believe in fate :)

i surprised people! indeed many things happened in this few weeks. and it is fast. or is it because i kept it so well that no one knows?some of them might say i dont know what i m doing. but... i m sure. sure of what i want. just hope important people will understand me. at least support me instead of doubting me.

有时，很多东西都不受控制。
有些东西后悔也来不及。我满意现在。
往回看，才发现抓住不属于自己的东西，得到的只有空气。
人都有权利选择。
我选了一条我认为属于我的路.
有人反对.
但我真的开心，不再是为了些什么而假装。

很难才找回以前的自己。
开开心心的。
以前很多人羡慕，因为这样最后才接受不了。
一直都小心翼翼怕受伤。
但是想想，太小心又怎样？

所以...是时候相信自己，
相信他

heh i love him :D



Sunday, November 12, 2006

hey! cheer for me ok?
it has been dont know how many months since i viewed his and her friendster profile. i thought i cant take it when i see both of them so lovingly hugging each other or some stuff like that. and recently, i 鼓起勇气 view their profile and see their photos. hey i m not affected! really not affected! i can still smile when i was looking at them. i m happy with myself. now. who cares about them.
honestly,i should thank him. thank him for teaching me lots of stuff. now i know what i should do. all thanks to him. not being sarcastic. it is real. last time he will visit my blog. so...if u see this,hey i want to thank you! :D



Saturday, November 11, 2006

by cute and mao. so nice!

Thursday, November 09, 2006

我误会了很多东西，总是等到清醒了，才会发现。
不过还不迟。

finally finish all my stuff except for story board. damn stress up yesterday. have to use some creative way to tell the story about narcissus and echo. and i cant think of anything till around 3am. it was super early in the morning and i have to get everything done as soon as possible so i can sleep!have been sleeping for less than 5hours everyday to finish up everything. hai. tired. but worth it. they appreciate my work. :D

so went out to slack today with shao ye. had a happy day. finally.
:D



Saturday, November 04, 2006

送了康宏最后一程
很心寒，看到了很多很多。
他的妈妈不停叫着他的名字，仿佛他会因此活过来。
看了心好痛...
他爸爸始终没出现。

康宏的哥哥...
和康宏很像。
唤起了很多回忆...

以前他坐在我隔壁，我们常常斗嘴。
他很爱篮球，常常跟我说一些我听不明白的篮球术语。
那段时间，他是我最好的朋友。
什么事情，他都会支持我。
我也很爱用《MVP情人》里小希的座右铭来鼓励他。

不要轻言放弃，否则对不起自己

那时这句话，帮了我们好多。

昨天，看到了很多。
大家伤心的哭着，有些人却开心的聊天。
我没那个心情。以前活生生的一个人，现在躺在那里，灵魂不见了。
他...本来好好的。
很多东西不能再回头。
后悔没对他说实话。
现在只希望这样对他来说是解脱。

no matter what. dont give up on yourself. because people around you will never give up on you...



Thursday, November 02, 2006

11月1日
kanghong gave up on himself. he commited suicide. leaving us.
i was shocked when i received jing's smses. i read them repeatedly,hoping that i got the wrong message. but it is real. he gave up.

we have never give up on him. i remembered myself folding 1000cranes for him,wishing that he will get well. finish up his studies.there was once when he promised me to study hard,enter JC and become a basketball team player. but it never happens. sometimes we got frustrated with him for being stubborn. he will never listen to us,or may be he will just forget about what we said after 1day. he thinks that no one care for him. to him,life is dull. nothing to look forward to. aimless. tried to tell him the fact that we care,life is wonderful,lots of things for him to look forward to. he never listen. soon,many of us got tired of telling him what is the right mindset.

mao told me not to feel guilty. but i feel that way. i feel that i should have put in more effort to help him,instead of telling him i m busy with work,instead of feeling frustrated. now it is already too late. no time to regret. it is too sudden. i still cant believe that he left us.

i remembered watching mvp qing ren with him. he told me that he want to be a basketball player. i encouraged him. he said he like sentosa,and hope that i can go with him again. but it will never happen. images still as clear. he was wearing a black shirt,jeans. we went to swesens,then to sentosa. it was a wonderful day. after the actual christmas day. i still remember it clearly. i care,i really do. i prayed for him,hoping that he will be ok. it never works. no i dont blame anyone anything. i dont blame him too. i cant imagine how he was feeling when he decided to end his life. i cant imagine how painful it is. i only know,it pains me...

i will remember him forever. cherish everyone. may be... it is a relief for him.
life. so fragile.