Monday, July 31, 2006

please dont read this if u know u are going to complain after reading.
please dont read this if u still think that i m nasty and treats EVERYONE badly.

i want something called respect. u all know what is respect? from what i know,1 out of 5 who are reading this wont know the meaning of respect. ok come.i will teach you. let's start here. when your friend or even girlfriend give you some presents,regardless of price,and whether u like it anot. u should accept it and keep it. it is bad when u give it to someone else. how would u feel if the present u gave me is now a present for someone else?
and... dont ask for things back from people when u have already gave it to him/her. if u want to do this,why dont return me what i gave u? and if those things are so important,then keep it instead of giving other people. right? right right?
oh ya. and be punctual. dont be late ALWAYS.dont let her wait for 3hours. dont ask a girl to send u home. we girls dont need u to send us home,but please dont ever ask us to send u home.

u dont respect people,no one will respect u. and dont blame others or ME for being nasty. look at how u do things? i dont treat EVERYONE like this. ok? so disappointed in u. i m lucky to have them on my side.

a piece of sXXt. :)

hmmmm.how should i start? some people are acting in front of me. but... i dont know why?
he's the worst person i have even seen. childish people asking for things. eeek! once it is done,everything will be over. cant stand it. mum said "normal guys wont do such thing". so why i keep meeting such abnormal people? eeek!!



Sunday, July 30, 2006

a big haiz.
today was actually a happy day for me. went shopping,bought new wallet. love my mum. eat chocolate fondue. and guess what? i feel so down now. there's a reason,but it is not convenient to type it here. haiz. just....haiz... tired.
really dont feel like picking up any calls. or chat with anyone on msn. my brain went totally blank and i cant think of anything except the entry. i feel so weak now. i dont know how to reply my mum n sister when they ask me things.
it is true that when i face any problem,i tend to hide. want to avoid any trouble. but feel sad when something really happen,and when actually i can prevent it from happening. what should i do now? i know is not only me who is feeling sad. many people are having more problems than me.
all i can say is...i m lucky to have friends around. big fatty called to console me,give me (false)hope. haiz. no use to hope for something that is so far away from me. it is really tiring. so tired. i need a sleep... use up alot of energy

so amazing, my cousin introduce this angmoh to me. and i m talking to him now. finding out how different we think,and how white people look at asians. he was talking about how shallow some people are. oh that's so true! there's really a big difference in how we think. especially about relationship. it is super funny when he said he want a long term relationship because of korean drama and movie. angmoh are nice to chat with. but i wont be like my cousin. i dont want an angmoh to be my boyfriend!

went out with isomers today. party world KTV. dont really look like a decent place. but we got the coupon. then meet up the guys for dinner. i made sushi for the girls! :D hope they really like to eat it.



Thursday, July 27, 2006

went to little india for lunch today. had indian food (of cos) with ade/weishan/cis. weishan will become one of the isomers from now onwards. the place is nice,so comfortable that u dont want to leave. food is nice. the owner is nice. and most importantly,i love the isomers. didnt really tell them how i feel today. but they really cheer me up. at least...there's people around me.



张栋梁's '北极星的眼泪' is nice



Wednesday, July 26, 2006

this is my 3rd post for the day. i have nothing better to do. and i need people to talk to me. guess what? i m talking to 2 people who are down with some depression thingy. what's up with people around me? first,i m not affected. trying my best to get them out. i m just sianz about that missing part of my life. like what vic says. SLOWLY. remember the V6 people. all of them changed. vic is no longer that chiong type. david is no longer the ambitious guy. jerome is no longer the strong brother. and me? i dont know. and i thought david is getting better. in fact NO! rome and him were together yesterday. 2 depression guys. make things worse.
life is short,be happy.
look forward to new things in life.
even me feels tired listening to these,although i m ok. dont feel good seeing them like that. miss the days when we hang out together. miss the laughter. so scary that everything seems to be gone. what is happening?
the conversation with vic today was funny. he changed so much.people change. for the better or worse. we did stupid things in the past,and we were happy. now we want to do stupid things,we dont have the courage. we are getting older!

me? i m excited and nervous. the same old me. 4years. can i take it?



Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Draw Supplies
There are three places to buy supplies:
Art Friend, Popular, and Straits CommercialHere are the items and where we found the best prices.

Art Friend
500 sheets of News Print 52.50 SGD you can split this between 2 students
10 sheets Charcoal paper 1.58 each
Pencils 4B, 6B 3 of each @.70 each 1 HB
1 box medium Vine Charcoal 4.52SGD
a box Daler & Rowney1 Box Chunky Charcoal 5.04SGD
4 pieces Conte Creta Color red or brown @ 2.10 each
1 pieces white Conte Creta Color @ 1.47SGD
each1 Eraser Staedtler .50 each
1 Sharpener 1.25SGD

Straits Commercial
1 6B thick Lyra Graphite @ 1.50SGD each

Popular Book Store
1 Drawing Block Pad 375mm x 550mm @ 3.25SGD
2 large Binder clips @ .45 each1 Sketch Book 4.60SGD each

Total: $78.13SGD

eh?huh?totally LOST. -_-

restless.emotional.

my day dreaming habit is getting worse. i can think about anything and everything. feel so restless. something is missing. what is that? 我们怎么了?
feel like sleeping 24hours a day. cos i dont know what can i do when i wake up. online,blog,draw,watch tv... read people's blog.
sometimes it is better not to care so much.
aiyo...stop it!
i give up



Monday, July 24, 2006

argh i want to adopt this cat! looks like tiger. but he understand what i say! :D
my mum asked me to name him Ben,but heehee... may be Danny will be a better name for now.
oh he is just so cute!





Sunday, July 23, 2006

i feel so lost too. when i was back from orientation,things seems to be changed. may be it is because i have been playing/working/doing stupid things for the past few days. and the isomers are quite busy. cis is starting school tomorrow. and others are busy with work. just... feel very empty.
ya friendship is important.
i miss u too!

identity

hostel room.the bed.my water bottles.my bag.

the view.hall 7.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

SHIT.what m i doing now???

i m back! orientation camp was so fun! this is the most creative camp i have ever joined.
the OGL planned so much acts,just to bluff us for the night walk thingy. they quarrel/fight in front of us on the 1st 2 days,and we thought it was all real. but actually,it was just an act. they threw a fake body down the building,and told us that the building is haunted.it was very scary.so sudden. we got to find clues,see who is the real murderer. each one of us has to do one task on our own. i got "molested" by these two "ghosts". there was one male ghost,who stood so near me. and playing a fool,i pulled his clothes. in return he gave me a hard tap on my head. my task was to fold paper hearts for the female ghost.it was so eeerie because we will be all alone in a dark room,with the ghost.so she just walk around me and sang so eeeeeerie songs.when i finished,she touched my face and give me the clue.actually she was supposed to hug me,but the person before me was so scared that she cried.so...she just touched my face.

there was this talent time thingy.we put on a play.and i acted as the mouse. chase by giraffe. make no sense at all but that was my group's idea. so many people laughed when i went on stage.
stayed in hall 7 for the whole camp. my roomie is a girl from HCJC. we clique along quite well. 3 guys 3 girls including me. it was a fun experience i can say. nice OGL,nice people in my group.we are the angels. :) but the worst part of the camp was that some people were super violent. i got hit by this OCS guy. chlorine water went into my nose.
i love NTU. food is nice. supermart is really super. ADM building is so new and artistic. seniors in the course are friendly.

found out that i was one of the few in the group who is still single. oh gosh. but...single is still better. havent found the right one.
art people are really so different. think i m just as crazy. may be i m also an art-ty person??
falling in love with white nail polish. the angels' identity. with wings. i look cute in wings. -_-



Wednesday, July 19, 2006

orientation camp tomorrow. excited and nervous.

today was really fun. we gave trans a BIG surprise. thanks shan shan for helping out. bluff our way through. found out that the security there were not doing their job. fen wrote a fake door number,and none of them realise. that's not important. trans was so happy and shocked by our surprise. ya i should become an actress. i bluff her that i was alone at her house there. it was really fun. love isomers a lot.

wo yao bei qi si le. the tuition kid is soooo naughty! but very cute... haha. he hid under his table today,because he thought i m going to punish him. cute!



Monday, July 17, 2006

tired seeing your nick. so sweet to dont know who.
tomorrow is the day. i love my trans.
wacom tablet costs $570. -_-

when u know that somebody doesnt like u,u wont want to cling on to him because u will look like an idiot. so that somebody will think that u dont like him anymore. and in his point of view,he wil think that u are just playing around with people's feeling. and in fact,u still like him a lot,but u just dont want to look like a fool,dont want to tell him how u feel. and that somebody misunderstood everything. so what should u do?

fooools!

i keep thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking about something which has no answer. haiz. regret doing this,regret not doing that.
there's a big secret in my wallet.
went out with my mum today. fun but tired. bought a new hp for $98. bought trans' present.
and jolin's new edition cd is out. and i need slippers.
arghhhhhhhh i m going for camp on wednesday! so nervous excited....my gosh!

欣赏，喜欢，暗恋



Friday, July 14, 2006

jiemin went back to nz yesterday. no one cried. now we know that she is doing fine there,and very soon,she will be back again. so it is better to send her off with a smiling face. dearest trans drew each of us a portrait. here it is... :D she is so sweet.

fen told me that she starts to miss the times we hang out together.ya me too. just hope that nothing will change between us. as in our friendship. well it is so hard to look for true friends,who share the same religion/thinking/hobbies with u. treasure everyone/everything. haiz some changes are unpredictable. friends are important. so dont try to snatch things/people from friends. dont ever think of that.

cant believe that i m awake at this time. i slept at 3am yesterday,and woke up at 6.30am just now. i dont feel sleepy. er why? i just feel like going out. dont want to stuck at home alone. haiz.
-_-
will be going to some camps next week.



Thursday, July 13, 2006

i m getting from bad to worse. haiz. i feel uncomfortable whenever i m alone. even if i m at home. when i close my eyes,many things will just appear on my mind. when i was on my way to tuition today,i keep having the feeling. fear. and when i saw a dog at the void deck,i dont even dare to move. i wasnt like this last time. da fei sms me in the morning about 6am,he was surprise that i was awake. i dont know why,i couldnt fall asleep. every one hour,i will wake up once. wo jiu shi hen pa. may be i need people to be with me?

i saw lion,after my tuition thingy. he changed quite a lot,in terms of appearance.
then meet the isomers at raffles place. had our dinner at lau pa sat. then clarke quay again.
haiz i dont want to be alone.
i ran home after the gathering. i dont want the same thing to repeat. i had overcome it,but why is it coming back again????



Monday, July 10, 2006

fragile.
exciting 2006.

i must blog about what happen today.
yesterday i went to bed at about 2am. i had a nightmare. cant remember what was that about,but it is just so scary that woke me up in the middle of the night. then i fell asleep again,another nightmare.my neighbour passed away few months ago,so the apartment next to mine is empty. another apartment is empty too,because my neighbour is scared of things.but in the dream,i saw the 2 houses were so bright,there was lights and many weird things in the 2 houses. so again,i woke up. i tried to sleep again,feeling that it is normal because of the insomnia problem.
3rd time,i woke up again. my mum and sis were already working or studying. this time i woke up not because of nightmare but a burning smell. i was still sleepy,so i just check that the smell didnt come from my house,and went back to sleep again since is early.
5 mins later,a guy knock on my door/window,shouting,asking us to evacuate. this time,something was really happening. i was still so sleepy but have to change and go out immediately. the house upstairs was on fire. when i open my door,i feel like i m such a da ren wu. police car/fire engine/ambulance... the scene is just exciting. worst thing was that i forgot my wallet :( and i cant go back home to take. they are blocking the area,cos the situation seems to be quite serious. i just stand downstairs,waiting for the thing to end. feeling so scared because i was all alone. the whole floor,there's only me. :( the houses are all empty.
cant really explain how it feels,but i remember i was trembling.
by the way,it is the second time that same house is on fire.

i think i m really lucky,some things are helping me. keeping me awake. but errrr it is so scary. exciting 2006 for people in my block. indian woman was killed by her husband on dont know which floor. neighbour found dead in his house,after 3 days. my cat passed away :( . and what happen today.
i hope this will be the last bad thing happen here. haiz.

i m feeling sleeppy now.

the auntie died and the uncle is injured. haiz. feel sad for them.
fragile.
2006 just make me think alot,lots of things happen. people pass away,my bao bei too. cannot be avoided.



Sunday, July 09, 2006

tired.sun burnt.and sleepy.

went to the red dot museum today. i missed the message that the people will be meeting,and will be going together,so i ask my isomers to went there with me. abit bu hao yi si,as the place was not that big and interesting. saw few of my future classmates. saw many designers and their products there. nice but expensive,it worth the price.

i dont think i can be together with someone i get to know online. no and never.
and i dont like sugar cane juice. i need someone who is similiar as me.
and never will i introduce my friend to someone who is desperate for a girlfriend.
and i hate people saying that he love someone because she is pretty.
mrs phee said "assume make an ASS out of U and ME".

i m burning. so itchy so painful.



Saturday, July 08, 2006

每個人都有自己追尋o既野，但係要考慮清楚，係咪每一樣野都一定要擁有呢?懂得放手比不肯放手來的更難，珍惜眼前，活在當下才是人生真正追求o既大道理.

found this from my friend's blog. very meaningful to me.

today. i thought we will have a fun time at sentosa. but who knows things are really not under our control. we suggest to meet 9.30am at harbour station. and same thing,only 3 of us reach there in time. the other 2 isomers were bringing their dogs. so they will meet us at sentosa instead of harbour front. to our surprise,both of them didnt contact each other about the meeting place and time. and the 3 of us are like control station,have to pass message from one isomer to another. honestly,i m tired of organising. i believe in give and take,sometimes people just depend on one another toooo much till they take things for granted. we were a bit unhappy at that time.we went in sentosa and try to find a good spot. and only after about 2 hours,then we saw the 2 other isomers with their dogs. we set the time to meet at 9.30am,because we were afraid that there are too many people. but the person who suggested the meeting time was late for so long. all we hope is that people will appreciate what we did. i was feeling ok when they came. but... 1 isomers didnt even apologize for being late. while jm say so many times of sorry. we understand her.she is busy with her things(and 2 dogs). i m not particular about that word 'sorry',but it is the attitude. just feel -------- when she didnt even show a sense of urgency and feeling sorry. m i expecting too much from people??? all i want,is respect. we did things for people,we hope they will appreciate. and i hope there's at least some effort put in when we organise things. lazy or what,i just feel so tired about all these. i know cis is tired about it too. we can see it. cis is always planning outing for us,and ya 2 of us dont feel good to let her handle all these alone,so we help. but now. all the 3 of us are tired.

i know some of u who are reading this will ask me to take it easy,and dont be so ji jiao. ya i know,i m just tired about it. i think,there's a limit to everything. give and take too. cis has tolerate it for so long. honestly i feel wei qu for her. i m direct i know,but may be it is really time to show it le. cis,i m tired,i know u are too.fen is tired too. put yourself into our shoes. we are just too tired.

but anyway,dinner time at harbour front was much better. the 3 of us went to mac and ate ice cream. started to enjoy the time chatting with them. after that,met the 3 guys. ks is getting fitter,max is still as tall,lk is still a fat officer. but cis was quite low. sometimes,things are not under our control,and it is so unexpected.we should take it easy. at least,there are still true friends. then the guys left early. so 3 of us continue shopping. just a simple gathering,but can feel the bond between us. that's what i m happy about. i always thought that if u are good to someone,he/she will treat u in the same way. but may be not.

another thing is,sometimes i will write so many unhappy things on my blog,it doesnt mean that i m unhapy all the time.i just need a space to vent my anger and unhappiness. a blog dont really show everything about me. and if u have any comments about my view,can talk to me about it,most likely it is ok. but if u hate me that much and think that what i post here are rubbish,then please dont read it.there's really no point reading my blog when u disagree to everything i said,or hate me,think that i m unreasonable and nasty. why make yourself so unhappy when u read my blog? so it is better not to read it. just my view.

i m not very frustrated/angry/irritated/sad/unhappy. i m just tired.



Friday, July 07, 2006

my mum was talking to my dad just now,using webcam. they are so sweet! haha. my mum fell down today,and she complain to my dad about the pain on her butt. then guess what did my dad said? "aiya u should give me a call,then i fly there and let u fall on me". my mum laughed and said that if my dad do that,he will hurt himself. but the funniest thing is that my dad was laughing,and he was so serious about flying to singapore within 0.5 second to save my mum. so cute. so sweet. my dad grew fat le. he told us that he is lazy to exercise. my dad was very fit last time. fit and handsome. and he is a virgo guy. haha! i promise myself that my husband must be like him,virgo guys are the best.

and yesterday,because the tuition kid cancelled tuition on wednesday,so they postpone it to yesterday.while teaching,my mum sent me a sms "yu le bai fen bai you ni de BED leh". i was thinking,huh bed????? my bed? actually it is my BEN not BED. hee so cute my mum. ya BEN!!!!! he is sooooo charming. the whole show was about him and some other people playing basketball. he is so cute loh. oh my gosh! he keep smiling to himself. ai si bai ji sheng le. i sms cis about it,well she dont seems to be interested. heehee!
and a goood new (for myself), Ben has a blog. a new blog!!!! i love this technology. :D
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/benpai802/

my mum is behind me,watching me. haha... she is sooooo cute! i love her!



Thursday, July 06, 2006

i m feeling better now. but just cant imagine that a guy will do such things. telling all the people he know about something fake. i just dont understand,there's no need to spread fake news to everyone,m i right? why do these people exist? guys somemore. some says that reputation is important for everyone. ya i agree. and i m hurt by what this person did now. so many friends of mine are telling me what u told them. and it spreads to everywhere. heck care? what can i do right? only my closest friends know about u. but now even the girls selling chicken chop know about me. why is that so? it took so long before they get the truth. both of u belongs to same category. should try to do some media related stuff so that u can spread news to the whole of world. fake. superficial.




http://maad.sg/store.htm
this sounds interesting.



Wednesday, July 05, 2006

working very hard on my drawing tis few days. got nothing to do in the afternoon,when my mum is at work,friends are doing their own things. cant be lazy anymore,feel that i have the need to work REALLY HARD for my future.
mum's friend called to ask about me. about where i will be studying at and things like that. is her habit,or it is many people's habit. hoping to find out things from my mum,and to show off her kid's results blah blah. mum is quite irritated but she didnt show. she asked if i got into any bio/chem/phy courses. my mum act like she doesnt know anything. not being nasty,but some people are like that. wanting to compare and to show off. the best way is to act like we dont know anything. just feel tired.

tired of misunderstanding. cant please everyone. or change how people look at me. especially people who dont know me well. it is quite sad to hear about the assumptions made by others.cant blame them having different views about me. no one is perfect. that's what i think. i cant do everything people expect me to do. and soon these people will start to dislike me. cant explain it. hard to please people. hard to prevent misconceptions. who knows exactly how i think? it is tiring having to explain everything. leave it the way it is and get complains?

school is starting soon. i want to spend more time with my mum now. i just love her soooo much. she understands me best. and i want to give her the best in everything. 4-5 years.



Monday, July 03, 2006

Sunday, July 02, 2006

yesterday went swimming wif fen n cis. had a really great time with them! we love swimming. fen is always so cute. after that we went to parkway for dinner,with my mummy. really feel so great with friends and my cutie mum around. :D

the tuition kid is so cute. he told me that next tuesday he will be going to per-ley per-leg. then i asked him "huh? what is that?". and in the end i found out that it is parkway parade. so i correct him. and his face was soooooo cute when he learnt that he pronounce it wrongly.

today went to fo tang with my mum and her boss. learnt quite a lot of things. after that hehe...i bought 7 t shirts. for $28 because it is a factory sales. i admit i m like aunties. :)

yesterday night i dreamt of someone. and i remember that dream so clearly,he said this to me " hmm i will never like u!". but the way he said it is in a friendly tone. then he took out a box from his bag,and said that it is a gift for me. i remember i told him "u cant stop me from liking u". then he say,we can still be very good friends. so both of us had our dinner together and had a wonderful night (for me). haha it is a dream,dont take it seriously but when i woke up,i really feel so happy. i will never ever forget this someone.