Wednesday, September 27, 2006

今天，好累好累。 做了好多事。走了很多路。
和猫猫聊天，开始认为情绪化不再是件坏事。
今天的我很情绪化。
我很清楚现在的情况。本来好像有进展，可是他又停下来。
叫我回头看看别人。我一直看不到，因为我不爱回头看。
说到别人，他会不高兴。
但又会瞒着我，不让我知道。
他怕阻碍我。可是又不肯放手。我也不想放。
我很明白，总有一天一定会结束。可是我们都不想面对。
叫我考虑，我有啊！
好累。

we waited here for the miracle tree to show some miracles. but nothing. quite disappointed.

它真的会带来奇迹吗？那我的奇迹在那里？

Sunday, September 24, 2006

今天心情还不错。听说艺术家情绪容易波动，那我也是个艺术家吗？ hmmmm...

一直开着电脑，看着那天拍的照片。很满意。
现在真的很相信，有些人是靠回忆来寻找快乐。
不再会逼出任何答案。也没有什么期待。
知足常乐。我也希望如此。
我终于知道开玩笑和认真的不同。
开玩笑可以试探出一个人的秘密。
玩笑用在认真的人身上，会有意想不到的效果。

疯子回来了！i m not the same person 3 years ago. all those words wont work on me again. i m feeling so irritated by him. what m i thinking 3years ago? haiz.

yesterday. went to raffles town club for the dinner.
邀请我的老大竟然说不会送我回家，也没有空接我去。
开始真的有点气。所以决定去找猫猫。
在她家，我们玩得有点疯。很喜欢这种感觉。
真的体会到朋友的重要。没了她，真不知该怎么办。

到了那里，才看到那个死老大。
幸好场面还ok。不会太吓人。
不过他一直让我出丑。唉！成了大家的笑柄。
因为这就是他。他的朋友对我说
“他就是那么幽默”
有点不像在班里看到的他。
他表演了几首歌。实在好笑。
气氛真的很不错。很喜欢看到他们友情的表现。
aidan waited for us at the lobby. i felt so guilty. he was here because i told him laoda not sending me home. but i made him waited for soooo damn long.haiz.


是知道了一个人的重要性，还是不服输？
会珍惜吗？



Thursday, September 21, 2006

hmmm let me talk about some unhappy stuff first. someone wants his things back and he had already said it soooo many times. my whole family is waiting for his arrival,but everytime,he will not appear. so well he said that he will come next monday. i told some of my friends about this,all of them asked me to either throw the things away,or leave it at the corridor and let him collect it himself. but obviously this person didnt realise that it is such a hassle for my whole family to arrange a time to meet him. when u ask for something back,be polite ok? this person dont know what is manners. ''put it there might as well throw it away right?'' oh yes! finally i can throw it away,but since i want to be a better person,i will wait till monday. what is this man?? an adult asking for his present back. and how would you feel when u know your ex gave your present to another girl??? and wait! he ask for the presents back,but why he never ever return me mine? sounds so dumb right the whole thing? yeah! he is sooooo damn dumb ok? i have never seen such people. ask around,who the hell will do this? "hey can u return me my things anot?cos it is important to me." oh well,of course can. my mum hate to see all that. she hopes to send it to lakeside personally to u! see. so honoured right?

ok. change topic. today went to the girls' place for tuition. and i have a big question mark in my head. they are sisters,but why are there such a big difference? in IQ and EQ. god seems to be so unfair. give one of them the best,while the other gets the worst things. the difference is so big. hard to balance. and honestly,i change tone when i m talking to each of them. when i think of it i feel bad. but what can i do?

life is good in ADM. next week i will be having my holidays. holidays with tonnes of assignment. didnt get much sleep yesterday because of the 4D essay thingy. but i really love school. i just feel so great doing what i love. and with the fun people.

i miss my isomers too! cis! really miss u all a lot! :D

ahh so tired. dont feel like going out tomorrow. somehow reluctant to go.
今天，看到了一些让我感触良多的画面。他和他的她在谈话，没什么了不起。但如果你知道背后的故事，一切都会不一样。当你深爱的她有了另一个他，你只能眼睁睁的看着她们过着快乐的日子，自己只有孤独。放弃不是那么容易，但不放弃只会带来更多的伤痛。他选择了麻木。他对她的爱升华成友情。当然，在我们眼中，他还是对她有感觉。但他已不再痛苦了。只能说有缘无份。回想起我自己，用了好长的时间忘记。不过我觉得，以后一定会更好。到底爱是什么呢？看到身边的朋友都在热恋中，不免会觉得怪怪的。昨天听到这句话''在错的时间，遇到对的人''。所以呢，算了吧。



Tuesday, September 19, 2006

hai i miss school a lot.miss the people there. suddenly feel that i m surrounded by all the talented people. wah! i m really ant ant compared to them. told kenny that i saw him on channel u. and he said he just talking cock. my gosh. i dont even have the chance to talk cock. but quite lucky,these people are willing to help the blur me. all of them are worried about me because i didnt go to school today. well i m ok! :D so touched. they are so good to me!

argh i still cant find a biennale piece that i really love. have to present it on thursday. but i got nothing. do i sound like i m very stress? may be?



Sunday, September 17, 2006

went to tanglin camp today. the exhibits there are really scary. the camp look so old. honestly the things there affected me a bit. feel quite sad after leaving that place. hope the next stop will be more lively and happy. i went to the officers toilet because it is used as female toilet for this period of time. i feel quite curious actually,what is the difference between gents and officers' toilet? so heh i went into the gents and take a look. it is the same actually... send some of these pictures to dao ming si. and we think that it is just pure scary. may be i still have not get to that level that i will understand art ba. but somehow i like that place.

i rebonded me hair. a new hairstyle will give me a better mood and luck.

my greatest wish is to stay happy.
well i m not those type of people who will keep myself busy so that i will forget about some things. i will just ask myself to forget,and ta-dah,i really forgot about EVERYTHING. it is not a good habit. negative motivation from myself. no. dont do that. but well i wont make myself super busy because i m really very tired. and i m not going to school tomorrow because i m not feeling well. hai.

yeah i m so happy! meow meow is going to the gathering thingy with me! his friend asked her to be his date. yeah... at least i have someone to accompany me!
he and me are super childish. i tried to be cold to him,and today he did the same thing. he said that i sounded like his mother. and haiz we started to quarrel again. what the. but nevermind. there's meow meow!

today went out with the same gang again. went to the art gallery at esplanade. it is just so fascinating. love everything there. then went to cafe cartel for food. love them lots... enjoy being with them. tomorrow going to tanglin campwith mummy. :)

oh i saw kenny on channel u! they interviewed him because he is a young talented director. my gosh. i cant believe that he is the kenny in our class. he is so talented and business man liked. so cool.



Wednesday, September 13, 2006

finally i made some improvement in my foundation drawing. and today...we had a male model! wahah! the girls were so excited. the model is so charming,cute and handsome. oops. that's the fact.haha.

so tired today. didnt have a good sleep yesterday. cant remember what i did. just feel super tired today.

it is so hard to forget. i m still waiting for his sms. but i expect that he wont sms me. all i need is lots of time again. haiz. all i want is to stay the same. but look at now? what happen? haiz forget it.



Tuesday, September 12, 2006

hate is such a strong word,but i hate you for being stupid

Monday, September 11, 2006

我清醒了

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKkOIKQ0OQg

ben.... :D

how do you make out happiness? if there was no suffering there isnt happiness.
so if there was no happiness,there will not be any sadness?

just know that there are more people who are concerned for you than the amount of people you feel sad for




Sunday, September 10, 2006

past is something to be remembered and the future is something he shouldnt regret



Saturday, September 09, 2006

happy birthday to myself!
hmmm this year's birthday is so much better than last year. so happy that people will remember my birthday. actually i m not really excited in celebrating this year. but...really thanks so much for remembering and reminding me that it is my birthday! :)



Friday, September 08, 2006

i was so touched today! weishan bluff me that she will be waiting for me at innovation centre,and when i went there,i saw the other isomers! oh my...they came to ntu to give me a big big surprise! i was really so happy... then we went to upper thomson to eat chicken rice. although something unhappy happened,but we had a great time. weishan love her present,and that's what made us happy most ba. because she is one of us now! love them all...

they(including lk and ks) bought me a big bag and a shirt. it is so nice!

i feel so lucky. everything is fine when friends are around. as for lao da,i asked him not to make me unhappy because my birthday is coming. today when ping talk about some relationship thingy,i dont know how to react. but glad that she is happy too.
i love the isomers!



Tuesday, September 05, 2006

i guess i m lucky. there's a lot of nice good things happening around me. and when i open my eyes,i realise how lucky i m to be here.
my classmates bought a cake for me,to celebrate my birthday. was touched because we have been together for only one months or less. what matters the most is the sincerity. and i sense it. thanks so much! when i was feeling down yesterday,many of them noticed. well,there's nothing i can change. the choice is with me,and that is to let it be.
we went for sushi buffet after school. honestly,being in the most talkative class is not a bad thing.we are united enough to make other people complain about our noise level. it was fun!

blogger has some problem again,dont think i can upload any pictures today.

he sms me everything if i have given it another thought. i always answer him 'i never think of it'. escaping from reality. and i discovered that it may create some more mental problem for myself. after reading yati's email,i found out that my super-short term memory is not cause by brain cells dying,but me who forced myself to forget things. forgetting everything because there's no limit drawn. sometimes i feel that it is good for me. like now,i forget some parts of things he said. frankly speaking,我好想他。当他对我说实话时，我才开始睁开眼睛，看到别人对我的好。有时，我好想在自己的世界。别人对我的好，我总是没看到，也选择不看到。我答应他，一定要仔细去注意，不要浪费时间。
浪费时间，多么伤人的话。
我会好好的，我不觉得时间浪费了。



Sunday, September 03, 2006

我不知道我是理智，还是傻。一直以来，我都知道他在想什么。可是我又假装不懂。我很想把一切留住。就算到现在，我的想法还是一样。 唉

i tried to do my sketching,where all i can draw is some ugly gesture thingy. i tried to finish up my t shirt design and i only spend about 10mins. i tried to read the great gatsby,but i couldnt understand a thing. i forced myself to sleep till 3pm today. of course it makes no difference.

i m too stubborn. and things became like a mess now. he want to clear it,but it is too late. i fell in too deeply. i m so confused now. how if tomorrow when i wake up,i remember everything he said today? like...but not that much. then why cant let it develop further... why cant everything be the same and let the stupid me continue to do my stupid silly stuff? u know i m that stubborn,i cant give up even if it is time to. there's one side of my brain telling me to carry on what i m doing. another side scolding myself for being stupid. he feels that it is unfair to me. and i insist that i will stick to my decision. even if it is damn unfair. whatever. i just want things to be like that. silly me. i just feel tired.
he is worried that i will cry at home,lock myself up. i wont. i just feel confused. what will happen if he is not around anymore? how to continue like that? it is of course a stupid question. no one will ever cant continue living just because of someone else. but it is tough to go through that period of time. that's what i m scared of. who can help? only myself.
ask why will this happen? useless question. all i know now is i m silly. i want to stay there for him when he need me,till he got himself a girl friend. i just want to be there. how stupid can it be. there's alot of stupid people on earth. including me.
i got myself in trouble again. he is so sure that everything will just turn out to be bad. indeed it will. but how can i give up now? my brain ask me not to. may be i need to divert my attention?

i never thought that it will be so painful...