Thursday, May 25, 2006

everyone has different views and different way of how they handle problem. there's no need to change someone's thinking. after some time they will be alright. what wrong being upset? dont tell me u wont feel sad. i write about how i feel here,because this is the place for me to write all these rubbish. impossible that i will tell everyone how i m going to solve my problem and whatever. so dont assume that i will stick to feeling sad forever. i wont.

we miss her alot. everyday she will be there waiting for us,but now she is gone. haiz... wo you gan qing de,shang xin dou bu ke yi ma? mei gan qing de ren,bu yao jiang fei hua.
she was lying at somewhere she thought that we couldnt find her. mum say cats know when they will be leaving this world,and they will hide themselves,so that we wont be sad when we know she pass away. haiz...





Tuesday, May 23, 2006

wo de mao si le.

so many things are happening to us. one by one. dont believe in luck? u try. dont ever think that everything is under our control. i m damn tired with all these. i told cis that when bad things happen,it only means that better luck will come to us. all these are shit. ya just shit. look at all of us now. what is happening to us? all SHIT. dont correct my thinking. i dont want nagging. better luck? wait till u grow old. i m tired of trying to console myself with all those stupid thinking. is always easy to encourage others.



Monday, May 22, 2006

haiz. what is this?
m i lucky or unlucky?
why are we talking in this way?



Sunday, May 21, 2006

haiz. there's people saying that i look fat because of my chubby face. help... i want to look slim...
:( how to jian the fats on my face??????? sob...i look fat... eeek i dont want!



Saturday, May 20, 2006

shopping day with fen and ping. i bought a ring for myself. :D i want to buy sooooo many things. the new dolly girl and cd and soft pastel and blah blah blah...

still tired...



Friday, May 19, 2006

irritated la. dont take things for granted. when u ask for help,please sound more polite.

had a very weird dream yesterday. same people in my dream. cis always tell me about ri you shuo si,ye you shuo meng. is it true? i thought i m not thinking about it anymore. or maybe i m just lying to myself again. in my dream,there's someone beside me,probably my angel?? dont know who he is,but just someone protecting me. then he was with me,and he punch him. so damn weird. told my mum about it,she think that it is funny. and well,none of my business. haiz. went out to help my mum once in woke up. sleep late end up waking up late. worst thing is i took the wrong bus. thinking about something else,and took the wrong bus. haiz! dont laugh at me. it is the 1st time i took wrong bus. mum think that it is REALLY FUNNY.

feel better after chatting with zc. maybe i just need someone to talk to.

not teaching the violent kid anymore. i cant stand it. plus somehow sense that his parents dont really like me,because i dont know how to handle such kids. so they just let me off. but without paying me of course. but i dont mind about the money. being happy is the most important to me now.

then went down to my mum's workplace to help out. her lady boss is sick. so i went there to help. quite fun. mum's boss is a nice person. want to treat me eat durian. -_- another thing i like about mum's workplace is i get to drink free fruit juice everytime i go there. :D　

jolin tsai is damn sexy...still deciding if i should buy her CD. because i think my friends are buying it,and i can borrow from them. remember mad movement 2004,i saw her. so near! and well she is not very pretty,but...she is jolin.

haiz...



Wednesday, May 17, 2006

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiMIOVCFOCU

this video is really touching. about leo ku getting this gold prize for the first time. after failure and hardship. look at the way he cried. will know how much he had faced. that song he sang is nice. ai yu cheng.



Tuesday, May 16, 2006

went out to have dinner with my mum. on our way to tampines,2 stupid guys use their hp to take pictures. sounds like something normal to do. but in the end i discovered that they are taking pics of me. dont know why i feel so angry,and i did something that i considered real bad. but to them,it is nothing la. at least i caught them. this is not the 1st time. it happened last week at jurong point. those idiots are from china or malaysia. although not all of them are like that. but...haiz...

buffet day. my mum and i. i love her so much. she know that i want to go there for buffet,even when 'handsome brother' cant come with us today. i m those kind that will get very affected when anything cant meet my expectation. now must admit that i have high expectation for most of the things,and also a perfectionist. virgo character. btw,'handsome brother' got her 1st assignment,and tomorrow is her birthday. wish her a happy birthday. hope she will get more n more handsome.

haiz. when everything is wrong for him,i cant do anything. even if is a simple conversation,it seems so different. only things that i can say is 'everythin's ok?', 'dun think so much', 'take care'. now it will be weird if i say 'anythin can tel me'. hate it when everyone thinks that i have some motive when i care for someone. there's nothing,just that i dont want to see my friends suffer on their own.

most people, including me,wont be able to see our own character,good or bad. we thought that we are doing something right,but in other's eyes,it is the opposite. everyone thinks in a different way. no one is wrong,but just that others cant accept it. naive childish wise mature. it is our character. we have choice to choose what we want?
wo kai shi zhi dao zi ji xiang yao xie shen me le. bu guo shi yao yin wei zi ji xiang yao de er shang hai bie ren,hai shi wei qu zi ji,fang qi zi ji xiang yao de? hai shi yin gai xiang de gen qing chu ne? shui yuan. chuan dao qiao tou zhen de hui zi ran zhi ma???

another thing is,if u dont like what i m posting here,then just dont read. i didnt force you.



Saturday, May 13, 2006

'xi huan ni de ren duo mei you hao xia chang'
vic said this today when we meet up.
heard alot about SR today. how irritating is that dim sum woman. how she look down on people. many teachers left for better schools. who will want to stay in SR if they got the choice? luckiest thing is that his physic tutor is ahem (should know who he is). life seems to be bad in SR.

tuition again. but everything is smooth today. because he is the primary ah pek boy. not that violent k2 kid. i like this ah pek kid more. although he is slower,but at least he listen to me and wont give me a punch or kick. but still,boys are naughty and dirty.

went to the adm tea party today. was reluctant to go because i m alone,plus i m not that sociable. but force myself to go,dont want to miss any information. venue is at the musuem at boat quay there. everything is ok. got to know all kinds of people. i wonder why they have so much money to do all these thingy. everything look so grand. like what lailin said,they present everything so nicely that u will get attracted to the course. but no choice,no other schools want me. and is me who put this art course as my first choice. and some of the people i met are so enthu. setting up forums and things like that for our batch. is this what university is about? dont seems to suit my style. i m just half enthu. haha. feel so tired after the party.

yesterday was chatting with ting about going to a new environment. life is not going to be the same.



Friday, May 12, 2006

not in good mood today. think of something bad again. cant help having the feeling again and again. went to orchard road with mum just now. saw so many people wearing those t shirts and pants. and the specs. and the adidas bag. all these are too common to be seen. nothing special about it. then went to toa payoh for dinner. the same food court and the same stall. because the chicken rice is nice. so many things came back to my mind again. 1 year is gone. wo yi wei wo hao le. and i thought of what lion said 'people care for people who care about themselves'. no one is going to help me unless i help myself. problem now is how? try not to think. i m trying everyday.

it will be irritating if i repeat this again. and i m so irritating. we all are unhappy inside. always saying things like hope we will be happy and all those things. but are we happy now? i choose to be happy but i cant do it. so disappointed with myself.

insomnia.
feel so tired but cant fall asleep.



this is Milky. so cute. :D love the way she sleeps.



Wednesday, May 10, 2006

hmm i m not excited at all.
but got to move on to the next stage of life. i miss u all. those times when we were together. haiz.

staying at home everyday. making birthday present for my handsome brother, er sister i mean. reading books to learn drawing sketching colouring. sounds stupid but i feel very uncomfortable studying without books. feel like i dont know many things and got to catch up with it. i m satisfied but feel abit lost. and another stupid thing is that i m doing questions in my physic tys. miss those days during lectures. although i m always day dreaming. but i love physic lectures. chem lectures are too boring. gp lectures are too exciting. maths lectures are too dull. school is about day dreaming for me. and i love school. no no no. i love some people in school,not school.

hmm i m always blogging about my past. but i m happy ok? :D

BAD BAD BAD and BAD

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

i was typing half way and reading cw's blog. and my computer hang. maybe because of cw's chinese entry? haha.

went out with cis and fen yesterday. bought a new pair of shoes! nice and within my budget. so happy for myself. really cant buy shoes without fen and cis. because i have no fashion sense for shoes. :D love the girls so much.

ya cis. i will remember what u said de. i remember myself taking a different bus to school every morning,just to avoid the 81 bus stop. wait for cis every morning at the other bus stop because i m afraid to be alone. the feeling when i m alone is like the whole world is left with only me me and me. no one is there. sky is so dull.anytime i will jsut break down and cry. but in fact,many people are there for me. i know it but didnt accept the fact. when i was alone,i will call my mum or cis. cant follow cis home everyday after school,so i walk to hougang with her. and take train home. it sounds stupid. and sometimes,cis will chat with me at the mrt station,afraid that i will think too much. i really took up alot of her time. saying all these not because i want to blame anyone or myself. but reminding me of the happiness now. and how much cis did to help me. should thank everyone who helped me,including him. i m really lucky. just a sms,u all will be there for me. i will think of what happen last time,but more of what u all did to help me. :D

as the dont believe in men so much,ya i know. i m not a feminist. just that i believe that no matter how good is a guy,he will also have another or more girls in his mind. that's guys right? not like us. we only think with our mind. no offence. but i know who can be trust. and i can forgive. once or twice is ok ba i think.

GE is over. sometimes dont understand the things said. especially about the ungrading queue. does that means that the area won by the opposition wont get to upgrade? and the area will be left ulu? then what it is called fair? they said things about being united,but they are doing all these to get rid of the opposition? they said things about fighting the voters back. but the more they do,the more i feel that they are not as good. dont really understand politics but find this very contradicting. for the residents,or singaporeans,so should be regardless of any parties,and should give the people the best right?



Sunday, May 07, 2006

tuition again. tell u what,boys are dirty. had some bad experiences these 2 days. 1st boy took off his shorts in front of me for no reason. and he loves to dig his nose. got to stop him every 5mins. everytime when i ask him to do maths,he will use his pencil to draw on his shirt. 2nd boy is that attitude boy boy. got scolded again by me and his grandma today. he coughed without covering his mouth. and u should know what came out of his mouth. dont dare to touch his books again. another boy who cant sit still.

it is already May May May now. 1 year ago. where bad things start to happen. look on the bright side,bad things happen last time means good things are coming to me now. i know i know. if i still remember and care about the past,i will not be happy. ya i know i know. it is my character and may be such things are bad enough to leave a big impact on me? but i really know it dont affect me much anymore. sometimes will just think about it. no harm done. love is just opposite of hate. but do u remember how happy u are when u love someone? and how painful it is to hate someone? i remember. i know that i m lucky now. to u i m foolish. people feel that i was cheated. everyone has time where they cant think properly. the most important thing is to wake up. wake up face a new day. i want to see u happy. like last time.

i told myself,the ways that i can make myself happy. walking along clarke quay. eat my favourite food at chinatown. stop listening to that song by Twins. and sentosa. the beach. quiet moments. it sounds so easy. ya it is sooooo easy. i miss those times where i will just get so satisfied with my life,after going to these places. everything seems to be so good. i really love it so much. but i get so scared of it now. dont understand me? i dont understand it too. looking forward to national day. i want to see fireworks again. watch about 10times last year,all when i m not feeling good. i dont want it to happen again this year. fireworks is mei li but duan zhan.

this is another messy entry. not wanting to type long long so that no one will complain. it is really my feelings now.just dont know how to put it nicely.
hmmm i m wondering,will i get better if i go to those places again? or go to those places again when i get better?

oh ya. i want jolin's new album. :D she's so sexy.



Thursday, May 04, 2006

mum's boss asked if adult's life is bad. i replied yes. although i m not an adult plus i m not rushing to grow up. i prefer being a child.

Sec sch friend sms me after a long time. nothing good from this person. read what i wrote in my diary last time, really miss those secondary school days. not the study part. it is where everyone is so innocent and childish,do stupid things but we were so happy. remember sec3 camp,how crazy we were. took the greatest courage to skip 'house',so that i can be with my best friends. got to know many people. and it is funny looking back,because all of us are different now. if weiyun is reading this,hey remember last time we used to write each other letters? and that science teacher mr wie who called me apple? he was so amazed by our friendship. chocolates also must take 2 so that can give each other one. most importantly is our guzheng days. how we work hard to get a gold in SYF. used to call people names. mu tou ren is the best name ever. oops.

then about relationship thingy. i can only say that all of us are so childish. when i look back,i will laugh at myself. but i was happy that time. sometimes we say things that will affect our whole life,but it sounds so pure and simple last time. cos nobody really knows the real meaning of it. remember telling weiyun everything and how both of us support each other. if we think of what we did last time,we wont be proud of it. especially when knowing some people insult me on IRC. and remember how yucky is someone. was a boyfriend of my friend,and yet tell other girls that he loves them. well it is still happening because this person will never grow up.

sec 1 and 2 was fun. making teachers frustrated. especially that mian bao chao ren. we hate her lesson so much. and she hates me too. scariest time was history lessons. dont understand why i was so scared of Mr ho that time. because he's tall and muscular? still remember how short is max in sec 1.shorter then me. but now,he is about 187cm? both of us are in the same class for 6 years. to jc.

sec3 was the best year for me. everything is smooth. except for strugging in A maths and physic. got to know alot of people. and loads of good things happening to me. there's V6 in our class. and not forgetting that i got into the best class (in poor little neighbourhood school) with weiyun. still remember how members of V6 scare teachers away. because of some reasons,weiyun and me got into some conflicts. quite naive of me that time. anyway,most unforgettable is latern festival. after performance,went out with whole group of friends. including jk and ck. jk still remember it. his performance was jay chou's long quan. he is stil jay no 2 now. lots of things happen. got into some unhappy things with NCC guys. my school's NCC is filled with ah bengs. but not all ah bengs are bad. will remember this mr yeo from 4e1 (not mu tou ren),how childish he was to spread rumours. no one needs free advertising. got to know xiaojing in sec 3. sec3 was the worst year for her i think. and then through her got to know yanting and cindy. remember the both of them talking about guys and watching their butt. and remember our birthday BBQ. where guys love to compare the size of their gifts. we were young. dont know that the value of the gift is not determined by size.

i love sec sch days...

it hurts even more when u hurt someone. i know every stupid thing i did that make him unhappy. he can tolerate at first. but not forever. i m trying hard to change,i know he wont know if i dont say. cant expect him to know everything that's in my mind. i always make him unhappy. i admit that i think too much. that's my character. sometimes when things happen,i cant control myself to stop thinking. and after that,i'll feel better and know that i think too much. at that point when i feel unhappy,i made him sad too. he did tried to cheer me up. everyone will lose their mind sometimes. and when that time comes for me,i feel sad again. i understand that it is my choice to be happy or anot. but i dont know what to do. can see how girls are happy with their life. but i cant because of myself. i tried hard to look for a reason and ways to change. everything is very simple. but i just cant find the real solution to how to be happy. sometimes i think i was right,and he feels that he was right. but i end up keeping quiet. not that i dont want to communicate but to avoid quarrel. i know i will cry while talking. sounds like a kid. i dont know how to manage stress,and i can see he is getting tired of seeing me like that. at 1st he will console me,but now,he will just ignore. cant blame him. because he is tired. everything will change. sometimes words are too harsh to be digested. i dont learn in a hard way. i need time to think. everything is very simple,but yet i feel unhappy. but i m satified with my life. so what's happening to me? sorry means nothing i know. but yet i m sorry. i dont want to make someone i love unhappy. but i made this mistake now. how i wish i can start all over again. i know what he did for me,and he said that he knows it too. but i think his opinion will be changed after so much. how long can someone take my nonsense? i know he cares,but he is too tired now. haiz i m sorry. now i m not thinking too much le. cos i dont know what is there actually....

i m really putting in effort to change.not to think so much and try to open up. i need time too...



Tuesday, May 02, 2006

i received the letter for NTU. i got into the course i want. so surprising. quite happy because i got into NTU. no need to worry about getting to nowhere.

got a new tuition kid. his parents are owners of some company,so i will be giving tuition in office. another naughty kid. but luckily his parents are understanding enough. plus his mum will be too busy to disturb.

u can choose to be happy if u want to. no one force you to be sad. stress? then think of ways to overcome it. if u feel stress,then do your best if you have aims. no use feeling stress when you are lazy to do anything. know what is your standard and know where you are heading to. can choose to forget if u want. if you tell urself you cant,of cos u cant. no determination. is useless.