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Friday, February 24, 2006
A lvl results will be coming out next wed,1st of March. i m mentally prepared. but i alway thought that it will be release on friday. i feel so nervous now. not joking. i know that 70% i will fail my A lvl. dont need to console me. i did the exams myself,i know it well. i always feel that if u put in your best,it will turn out as the way u expected it to be. but these 2 years in jc prove me wrong. i m so used to getting F grades for every tests. but now it is A lvl. all of u might way there will always be a way out. of cos there r,but it is not the way i want it to be. i worked hard. lots of sleepless nights. if i fail,that only means that i m stupid. dont need to ask me to think the positive side. i must be prepared for the worst. and this stupid person keep asking me about it. he dont know how it feels. he thought that it is so easy. and he still thinks that i m thinking too much and ya he laughed at me. i feel useless. not cos of what he said. but... i always aim for university,and after that,i can lighten my dad's load. but it seem that he have to work many years more for my education. got to walk so far before getting to my destination. so useless.
i found out that i m so dependent on someone. the 1st person that i think i can turn to is him. never mention that to him before and he wont ever know it. but on wed,he will not be there. i thought that it will be on friday,and he will be able to make it there. he is really a great friend. but i m too dependent on him. what will happen if he is not there for me? i told him that i will die if i fail (is a joke),and he replied so seriously. i feel an quan when he is around. but ya,he is so far away. he know nothing about what i m thinking. even me myself dont know what i m thinking.
what will i do if i really fail? poly? retake? NIE?
da mao blogged at 11:12 PM