Sunday, September 03, 2006

i m too stubborn. and things became like a mess now. he want to clear it,but it is too late. i fell in too deeply. i m so confused now. how if tomorrow when i wake up,i remember everything he said today? like...but not that much. then why cant let it develop further... why cant everything be the same and let the stupid me continue to do my stupid silly stuff? u know i m that stubborn,i cant give up even if it is time to. there's one side of my brain telling me to carry on what i m doing. another side scolding myself for being stupid. he feels that it is unfair to me. and i insist that i will stick to my decision. even if it is damn unfair. whatever. i just want things to be like that. silly me. i just feel tired.
he is worried that i will cry at home,lock myself up. i wont. i just feel confused. what will happen if he is not around anymore? how to continue like that? it is of course a stupid question. no one will ever cant continue living just because of someone else. but it is tough to go through that period of time. that's what i m scared of. who can help? only myself.
ask why will this happen? useless question. all i know now is i m silly. i want to stay there for him when he need me,till he got himself a girl friend. i just want to be there. how stupid can it be. there's alot of stupid people on earth. including me.
i got myself in trouble again. he is so sure that everything will just turn out to be bad. indeed it will. but how can i give up now? my brain ask me not to. may be i need to divert my attention?

i never thought that it will be so painful...