Thursday, November 02, 2006

11月1日
kanghong gave up on himself. he commited suicide. leaving us.
i was shocked when i received jing's smses. i read them repeatedly,hoping that i got the wrong message. but it is real. he gave up.

we have never give up on him. i remembered myself folding 1000cranes for him,wishing that he will get well. finish up his studies.there was once when he promised me to study hard,enter JC and become a basketball team player. but it never happens. sometimes we got frustrated with him for being stubborn. he will never listen to us,or may be he will just forget about what we said after 1day. he thinks that no one care for him. to him,life is dull. nothing to look forward to. aimless. tried to tell him the fact that we care,life is wonderful,lots of things for him to look forward to. he never listen. soon,many of us got tired of telling him what is the right mindset.

mao told me not to feel guilty. but i feel that way. i feel that i should have put in more effort to help him,instead of telling him i m busy with work,instead of feeling frustrated. now it is already too late. no time to regret. it is too sudden. i still cant believe that he left us.

i remembered watching mvp qing ren with him. he told me that he want to be a basketball player. i encouraged him. he said he like sentosa,and hope that i can go with him again. but it will never happen. images still as clear. he was wearing a black shirt,jeans. we went to swesens,then to sentosa. it was a wonderful day. after the actual christmas day. i still remember it clearly. i care,i really do. i prayed for him,hoping that he will be ok. it never works. no i dont blame anyone anything. i dont blame him too. i cant imagine how he was feeling when he decided to end his life. i cant imagine how painful it is. i only know,it pains me...

i will remember him forever. cherish everyone. may be... it is a relief for him.
life. so fragile.